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i gave my 3 kids up for open adoption but it feels very closed

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Asked by fairydust38 at 5:49 AM on Feb. 16, 2013 in Adoption

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • And your question is????

    Answer by louise2 at 6:26 AM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • And any ways, my oppinion is. Is that if you are going to give your baby up for adotion. It should be a closed one. You gave up the right to be in that childs life when you adopted out. I have never understood this open adoption thing.
    The only thing I would agree to in sending pictures once a year. No visits. Untell the child is like 12. When they can decide for themselves.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:31 AM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • What was the agreement with the adoptive parents? Have they stuck to it since placement?

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 6:55 AM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Unfortunately there are no laws that apply to an open adoption. It is an agreement between the parents and lawyers and because there are no laws regarding open adoption the adoptive parents can choose to close it at any time. There is a lot of push for more laws to be created to protect the women who give up their children into open adoption from having the adoptive parents do this without cause. (cause being the bio parent overstepping the contract, abuse, harassment, ect...)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • I'm sorry.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • That sounds very hard. I hope you have space for being heard, and that you can process the many feelings related to this ("it feels very closed.") There's a lot there, and very challenging stuff. If you can seek professional support in processing it, it might be especially helpful. Take your grief and other feelings seriously. Best wishes.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:24 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • I agree with girlwithC above. Counseling can help you work through the feelings that you may have of sadness, disappointment, anger, unworthiness, etc. Are all 3 with the same adoptive family? Sometimes, the definitions of "open adoption" are so different from one family to the next. The "open" part actually refers to have each other's identifying information rather than the frequency of actual updates or contact. This can lead to one or both parties being disappointed that it's not how they "thought" it would be. I'm very sorry for your pain.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:48 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • You gave up three children for addoption. The children should have the right to a clean star.

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:20 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • I think once you've been a mom, then anything less wont feel quite right. But if you gave your children up to give them a better life, and it was what's best for them, then it's a worthwhile sacrifice. I can't imagine any type of adoption ever being easy on bio parents, but that doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. Gl

    Answer by Nimue930 at 7:39 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • It must be a very heart-wrenching experience you are facing. Do what you can to take care of yourself, and don't let anybody make you feel unworthy. Sometimes the loving sacrifices we have to make for our children hurt like hell.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:00 AM on Feb. 17, 2013

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