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3 Bumps

Claims he is so busy but has time to go to a get-together after a funeral

my DH says he is so busy and that is why he gives me ZERO attention and time. I mean ZERO. He does not work on weekends - ever. Today he took hours fixing a dirtbike. i stood out in the garage with him just to be with him. he said he also had schoolwork to do etc. well his friend calls (that lives an hour away) and says the family of a friend that recently passed is having a party so he ran on down there.

so I guess i have to DROP DEAD to get him to make time for me. He was suddenly able to take 4 or 5 hours out of his busy schedule today to go to a party! and tomorrow he will be at a dirtbike race all day.

what exactly am I supposed to do to get him to make me a priority? die? become a dirtbike?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Feb. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • If I were you, I'd take the time and make plans with your friends. Go to lunch, dinner, movies whatever it is you like to do. If DH wants to know where you're going, tell him you're hanging out with friends. Keep doing it until he starts complaining about it. Then say this is how I feel when you leave me alone.
    Get a babysitter tonight and go out. You're not a doormat to anyone, including your husband.
    His actions show zero respect for you so get off the computer and go out and have some fun!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Well, if he lost a friend, let him spend time with those who loved the person. It's a way of celebrating life and mourning loss.

    But the bigger question is, are you a priority in the relationship? It doesn't sound like it. I agree with Anon, go hang out with your friends. Do what you enjoy. If your husband mentions the fact you're doing stuff with others instead of him, talk about how you feel when he blows you off. If that doesn't work, re-evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship where you have to feel like you need to die or become a dirtbike to be noticed.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Find something you enjoy. If your DH is home on weekends he can watch the kids sometimes while you find things you enjoy doing.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:16 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • i have talked to this man until i am blue in the face. he just keeps pointing out how busy he is. i realize he does have a lot on his plate but he literally makes no time for me. none. yet today his friend calls and he is off and running. if i had asked to spend a couple hours with him out of the house he would have told me how busy he is!

    i have no friends near me. i have 1 friend and she lives an hour away... i am so pathetic. this morning i went to the coffee shop alone and read a book because he had already left the house to go walk the dog at the park. i am so alone even though I am married. i guess i can start going out alone and pretend i have so many friends. won't that be fun.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:16 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • hugsI hear ya. I was more lonely when I was married than now that I live alone. I had a garage built for my x so he would stay home. Then I had to go outside to the garage to spend time with him. That got so old. Just curious, why didn't you go to the park with him to walk the dog? You could have stopped at the coffee shop together on the way back. I can't explain men like your dh and my x. Good luck with this but don't die for his attention. Try other stuff.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:22 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • he got out of bed and left before I even opened my eyes! and I got up at 6:45am - he was already gone. so i got up, dressed, and went to get coffee. I am so horribly lonely. yes, I have my kids but they don't fill that void that a husband fills. thank you for the hugs - i need them desperately.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:40 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • combingLOL, are we married to the same person ?????????? It sounds like middle age crisis to me!!!

    MamaaSutra

    Answer by MamaaSutra at 10:52 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Accept it and be a rug

    Accept it and go do things yourself instead of waiting around for him.

    Accept it and decide that you are done with the whole thing.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:08 AM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • Get out of the house ALONE. That's how you meet people. Is there a farmer's market in your area? FInd one.

    Are there moms groups in your area? FInd one.

    How about a church? FIND ONE.

    You can sit around and moan that you're lonely or you can GET UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

    Your husband isn't a husband. He's a roommate. Counseling for the two of you on this. GO YOURSELF if he wont go with you. Be warned, if he DOESN'T go with you it's likely the marriage will be OVER by the end of the year... and you will be the better for it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:10 AM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • i am already actively searching for a church. as for the moms group, well, i joined a homeschool group that also does mom's nights. i just need to start going to activities. i would like to start therapy but my son already goes every week. i'm afraid i can't afford another set a sessions per month. and yes we have a Farmer's Market every Thursday locally. I go with the kids.

    I know I need to do more to find my own life but I am so dumb that I keep waiting for him to want to be a part of my world and he just doesn't.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:52 AM on Feb. 17, 2013

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