Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I know i cant do much about this but help me please

my dd(21) met a guy after she did a gig a few months ago (concert, shes in a goth rock band) this guy watched her play once and asked her out on a date, now this guy is in a band also, he's in a "shock rock" or "horror rock" band. they sing about girls killing themselves,girls killing him,girls being murdered....and to top it off this guy is as old as my oldest dd...36!!!! and he cusses every other normally i would let me dd21 be who she wants date who she wants and just be there for her but theres a 2 year old boy involved and im honestly a little nervous for him

should i tell my dd how i feel?

ETA: when i asked why he decided to date my dd he just said "i was tired of being by myself with a bunch of guys all the time and when i saw her sing, i had to ask her out", freaks me out a little idk why

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Feb. 16, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • Yes. Just ask about how he feels about younger children. If you don't get a good response express your concern...fervently.

    Answer by army.wife23 at 6:57 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • @army.wife23: he knows she has a son already, and respects her wishes to not go around him until shes sure he (the man) will be around for a while

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:02 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Wow. Usually I say that moms should just hold back their worries and be around for their girls in case things don't work out. But that whole thing about killing girls and girls being murdered, that's scary to me. Even if the guy never would kill anybody, his music expresses an attitude about women that is concerning, in my opinion. Have you asked your daughter what she thinks about that music?

    Answer by Ballad at 7:05 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • @ Ballad : shes always liked music like that, ever since her dad play dope show from Marilyn Manson while she was around

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • but Dope Show is a different thing than singing about girls being killed- killing or committing suicide

    I dunno, if he has agreed about not coming around her son and whatnot, maybe just let it be and see where it goes for a bit. Just because he sings about those things (disturbing as they are) does not necessarily mean he is a horrible guy

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 7:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • Interesting. You'll have to trust your daughter's judgement.

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • I'd talk with her about his lyrics and have her find out how he feels about his own mother. A lot of guys who hate their mother and harbor anger towards her focuses their anger on other women (abuse). I sure wouldn't have a 2 yr old around someone who constantly sings about killing. I don't envy you but yeah I'd be talking to her

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:17 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • It is most likely a stage persona. I mean if you've ever seen interviews with Alice Cooper, he is very intelligent and well spoken, he just puts on an act for the show.
    All you can do is be there for her in case it goes south.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 7:32 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • @ PartyGalAnne i know it might be but it still makes me nervous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:35 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

  • I am hardly an expert at anything, but looking at it from a mothers' point of view, yes, I think it would be a good idea to mention it. I think everyone has a right to their feelings and opinions and I think you should trust your instinct and share your concerns.

    Answer by alilmsartie at 9:26 PM on Feb. 16, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.