I have a DEEP secret.

I don't know who to talk to about this. I'm scared to tell anyone, so I thought maybe someone can comfort me on here.

I'm a 21 year old female. I got pregnant at 18 going on 19. Honestly, I hate being a mom. I don't enjoy mommy hood at all. It's not my son, it's me. He's beautiful, funny, and smart. But I don't bond with him, and like I said, I just don't enjoy mommy hood. I will never hurt him, I love him to bits and pieces. I acually spoil him. That's my baby. I don't show that I regret getting pregnant , basically. He bonds with his dad great , he's actually with his dad more then he's with me. I just wish I would have kept my legs closed. I was in love with his father, and for some stupid reason, I thought I was ready for him. Ever since I had him. I been depressed, and so self-conscious and insecure about myself! I feel as if I screwed up. I feel like my mom, and family are so disappointed in me. I honestly wish I didn't have a kid. I don't even want anymore. Ever again!! I feel so selfish, and cruel for saying this, and feeling like this. But I can't help how my heart feels. I wish I didn't feel like this. Really , I do!

I'm sorry if I offended anyone out there . I'm one of the moms who did NOT deserve such a great blessing. I'll be the first to admit that. Any thoughts on these feelings?!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Feb. 16, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (14)

Have you tried counseling?

Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:21 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
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After she had her first baby, Brook Shields said almost exactly what you are saying now. She had postpartum depression. You said you are feeling depressed. Go to your doctor and tell him what you just said to us.

Answer by musicmaker at 11:25 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
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don't keep this hidden. get some medical help!

Answer by staciandababy at 11:40 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
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You have not offended me, I do think you need counseling but if this is not going well for you personally why not have your son;s father take primary custody at least for now. Keep visitation rights etc but let him care for his child. With counseling you may feel differently or decide this was the best choice and continue. It will give you a way to help sort through your feeling withouth worrying how it will affect your little one when he comes home.
Take heart. You are not the first woman to feel this way and you will not be the last

Answer by Dardenella at 11:51 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
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I agree; counseling is a good idea. Could it be that you are disappointed in yourself? In your parenting? In the way you thought your life would be versus the way it is? A therapist can help you sort this out. If your mom is disappointed, oh wel. Life is short, and you can't change the past, only the future. But truthfully, if you don't deal with this now, you may end up resenting your son, even as much as you love him. For your sake and for his, talk to your doctor or call the county health department and ask where you can find affordable mental health services.

Answer by Ballad at 11:54 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
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I would love to seek counseling , or see a doctor. But its just so expensive. I'm not in a good postion right now. I've thought about giving his father full costudy, but I feel like everyone would look down on me. I feel like maybe later, when I get older ill come around. But my son does not deserve this, at all!!

Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:57 PM on Feb. 16, 2013
Can you call your local health department and tell them you need medical attention, but can't afford it. There might be a program that can help you.

Answer by musicmaker at 1:03 AM on Feb. 17, 2013
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Usually there are at least basic mental health services through the county where you live.

Answer by Ballad at 1:50 AM on Feb. 17, 2013
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As far as services, you could start by dialing 211 and you'd get a more realistic sense of what options are available, even when money is an issue. The feeling that it's no use because it's "too expensive" or just impossible can keep you stuck in the same place unnecessarily, because it's super-hard to take initiative when you don't know you're options & a general expectation that it's hopeless or too hard (to know what to do/how to proceed) keeps you intimidated. Even "not knowing where to start" (as in, which therapist to "pick" or where to start looking) can hold back a person from taking action. For me, it was talking openly to our family doctor (she listened carefully to my specific issues and gave me a referral to a therapist she thought could be especially helpful), but the 211 phone resource is available to anyone without cost, and can help pinpoint interventions & services that take into account financial limitations.

Answer by girlwithC at 8:11 AM on Feb. 17, 2013
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To me, a lot of what you are expressing (the things/thoughts/possibilities that stop you from taking certain actions, or expressing your truth openly) just speak to something very common that is behind feelings of unhappiness & desperation (and more.) I think you are identifying something important when you note that a lot of your pain/distress comes from thoughts of having disappointed or let down people in your life, or feelings of shame about having "screwed up" because you are in this situation (expressed by your self-consciousness & your fears about how others view you & possibly judge you negatively because of your circumstances), or your thoughts that certain choices/actions are totally out for fear of what others would think (looking down on you as a "bad mother' or a failure if you don't keep primary custody.) All that expresses your focus on what others think & its powerful influence on you, which drives depression.

Answer by girlwithC at 8:21 AM on Feb. 17, 2013
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