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For adoptees

This springs from the question asked by a mom who said she was upset with her biological family. There were several moms who confessed to issues or emotional upset.
To me, it's just so alien. I wrote that I have no feelings at all toward my adoptive family. I won't turn them away should they seek me out, nor do I feel any need to seek them out.
My question is how we all came to our feelings. I have ALWAYS known I was adopted. Even my "birth" announcements said I was selected. As a child I felt sorry for kids who weren't adopted, because their families were "stuck" with them!
To those of you upset over having been given up...did you always know about being adopted? Or was it something you were told later in life? I'm just curious to see if there's any correlation.
Thanks in advance!


Asked by gdiamante at 12:21 AM on Feb. 15, 2009 in Adoption

Level 37 (95,170 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I've also always know I was adopted. I too always felt special, selected, etc growing up because that is what we were told and that is the perspective of our adoptive family (we are a blessing to them). My true understanding about my adoption came when I faced an unplanned pregnancy myself and chose to place my daughter for adoption - primarily because I really did believe that adoption was a positive thing. Understanding the losing end of the adoption spectrum opened my eyes to the reality that there is far more to our stories than our adoptive parents have been made aware of. If you were adopted during the closed era (the 1950's through the early 1970's) there really is a lot behind the scenes that adoptees, adoptive parents, and the general public would be shocked to discover. It is not the fault of any triad member but it is an important thing to recognize that occured and in many cases negatively impacted millions.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:02 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • i did not know i was adopted tell i was a adult. a family member got mad and it came out that way. o well at lest i found out right. as for me i am not to upset about my bio family placeing me. they must have had there reason. after all every birthmom has there reasons for placeing i now when i placed my dd for adoption at birth i had my reasons (love) as for me i am upset with my adoptive family for keeping the fact that i was adopted from me. in some was i wont to find my bio family i have so many ? for them. and i have no need to ask them why they placed me. i just would like to know where i come from and who i look like and who my childern look like. so in some ways i am upset about being adopted but i am not upset with my bio family i am upset with my adoptive family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • i've had friends who were adopted (and knew since they were little) who were very bitter about being placed and i never understood why... but i suppose i wont unless i was adopted

    Answer by aliciatron at 3:21 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • my husband is adopted and he has known forever. he adopted his son, who has always known, and he also has never shown an interest in his birth father (he is only 6, so i suppose i should give it time) and we can all talk openly about it. it was never a secret. and he is just like you. he has no interest in finding his bio parents, but wouldn't turn them away.

    Answer by trepsica at 11:24 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Regardless we are adoptees,,, not all of us was GIVEN UP by our birth mothers, some uf us was given up by force,,,,meaning,,,,my biomothers dad MADE her give me up for adoption because I was born from a 14 year old girl ,out of wedlock of course and in the mid 60,s , my mom searched for me for many years and in 1992 she found me,,my adoption sucked,plus,the adopted mother took me back to the agency when I turned 7 and then I knew I was adopted.The agency was suppose to contact my biomom to see if she could take care of me but they broke the law and didnt and of course got away with it. It sounds like you was a runaway,you had no feelings FOR your adopted family but yet felt sorry for kids who were not adopted,whats up with that?????????

    Answer by momindistress08 at 10:21 PM on Mar. 15, 2009