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2 Bumps

I have two biological children and one soon-to-be step child. I have been with the "step" child since she was 9 months old and she is now 3 1/2. She calls me by my name but also sometimes "mama" b/c my two bio-kids call me that. She shares a sister with my son. She lives with her bio mom and calls her "mommy". How can I still feel special without crossing the lines and making her different b/c she calls me a different name?

I want my children to feel equal and that no one is excluded or given special attention even though I know the "step" daughter has a special circumstance b/c she is the only one that "visits" instead of "lives" with us.

Answer Question
 
Heather B.

Asked by Heather B. at 5:09 PM on Feb. 17, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • You are special to her just not in the way that her birth mom is and you aren't going to change that. As for making her different from your children just treat them all the same and explain to your kids when they are old enough that she has two homes and she gets things from both of her parents, so while she gets more stuff or activities than your kids you can explain that because she has two homes she gets things that they don't.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 5:15 PM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • I ask the question because her bio-mom recently found out she was calling me "mama" and was rightfully angered. I understand her "territorial" feelings and her daughter knows I'm not trying to replace her mother. I guess my question should be is it ok considering at her dad's house I am her mom and when she's at her mom's house she may one day have another "dad"?
    Heather B.

    Comment by Heather B. (original poster) at 5:19 PM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • Considering she was 9 months when you came into her life it is normal for her to be confused and occasionally call you "mama". I would sit down with her biological mom and tell her that you aren't encouraging her to call you "mama" and that you aren't trying to steal her place besides as she gets older she will probably stop calling you mama anyways.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 5:24 PM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • Totally agree with amanda...........help the bio mom not feel threatened. It is the feelings that count, not the label/name
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 5:34 PM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • How about mama h? Or something along those lines? I can understand the bio mom's feelings, but wish she could step back and realize that you aren't taking anything away, only adding to her dd's life. Hopefully that will come in time.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2013

  • Why should she be rightfully angered? Aren't you both raising the children? Giving them food, shelter, guidance and love qualifies you as a mom not just giving birth. If the child wishes to call you that, then let her. It's not like you provoked it. As adults, you and the bio-mom need to take youselves out of this equation and focus on the more important issues, like making sure they are not bullies and getting in with the wrong crowd. If you raise a child that has the morals in the right place, can think for herself, and understands responsibilities, then you have succeeded. Does it really matter what she calls who then? This free movie might help bring some perspective to this:


    http://youtu.be/e9YJGV0MjK4

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 5:00 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • You just need to give her time. Its must be difficult for her to sort all of this out and to establish the whole mommy thing. As she gets older she will understand better butyour doing good by just treating her the same as the other kids and loving her the same. Your a good person keep it up!
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 7:59 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • She always going to know how much you loved her and how good you were to her based on your actions. What she calls you has nothing to do with that!
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 3:17 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

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