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2 Bumps

What should i do?

he controls the whole marriage and is in charge of everything. so yesterday was his birthday and he got angry that he was going to buy his ice cream cake from the next town over. he said you could of baked one and i said yeah and you said you don't like it...i also bought ice cream cake previosuly from my neighborhood and he does not like that brand...so seriously he is in charge ...and yet he wants me to do things for him but there is no way this is working. he resents me and pushes me out of the way while cooking and tells me to move and to get out of the way... i really can not stand him..then his sister asked me how i knew someoone got married and happen to say through the grapevine and he yelled out just say facebook...and so i told him off and that he should not get pissed and how ridiculous he was being towards me. he received a gift of $500 and so usually we put some in the bank but this time he wants it all for himself and he told me how he does nto want me putting my clothes in certain areas of our bedroom meanwhile he is the biggest slob..... my mom is living with us and can not believe how my life ended up taking care of old people including his mom who is the biggest attention whore and will not even lift her own glass or plate...says she has eye issues so i am slaving it every single time she comes over...i can tell a million and one more stories but my mom said that either i go to counseling , go out with frineds and she told me even if they are male i need some normalcy in my life... i feel so verbally abused and chasitsed that of course i end up getting attention from others... my mom wants my marriage to work but thinks i need to assert myself or else he will now say that what i do is not enough to take care of her and him and my child as well. he is such a bully i really can not stand him...help..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 AM on Feb. 18, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Why is he so angry? Have you asked him why he is always annoyed with you & why he is always in a mood? I think your Mom is adding to the aggravation that's going on in your house too. Three adults is a crowd & too many opinions. Although of course she wants you to be happy. Can you, the kids & your Mom get another place? If you own then tell him to leave. See a Divorce Attorney before you make any moves. Don't tell him you are going. Maybe see an Attorney while your Husband is at work. I think if your Husband has no solution to his animosity towards you then it's best to move on.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:12 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • Well of course people want marriages to work, don't we all? That's beside the point though. Is your mom married to him? NO. So, politely tell her next time that unless she is going to help you get out of this TOXIC relationship, then she shouldn't say anything at all. When 2 personalities are so different and people change, you can't make it work. It's wiser to part ways and let each find their own happiness. What is best for the children? To grow up in a home where there is fighting and misery all the time or to have 2 separated parents who are at peace and can be good role models? You don't mini-versions of him, do you? Sometimes staying is selfish and separating is an act of love. Staying keeps you both chained and leaving is wanting what is best for all. He sounds very immature btw. Change is hard but it can also get you unstuck. You can do something change your situation, but will you?
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:12 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • LEAVE. GET OUT NOW.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:29 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • To summarize more simply:


    Stay = you (miserable) + him (miserable) = kids (miserable, difficult to raise, lifelong issues)


    Leave = you (happy) + him (happy) = kids (happy in the long run because both mommy & daddy are happy and can be there for them more)


    Now which choice do you think is better?

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:17 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • This  relationship is going to end eventually.  He will continue to grow more difficult and your tolerance continue to erode.  Do you want to wait to leave or leave now.  Start looking at what you need for yourself to make a life for you and your kids.  This relationship is terrible for you and your children. 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:25 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • Sound to me like you have already made up your mind to leave. You just need to do it. I imagine you will be bring your mom. You need to sit down with her and inform her of what you are about to do. Make it clear, even if she leaks it to him. You still are going through with it.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:45 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • I am pretty much going through the same thing and I really wish I had an answer for you. I would suggest to try and go to counseling and to try andtalk it out because communication is key but if you dont love him and you dont see your relationship going any furthur then leave him and take the baby the judge will rule in your favor it happens all the time. Each time he does something start a journal of what was said and what it was over. Hope you work it out and become happy I am praying for you momma.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 8:14 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • As a person who just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, I will tell you that most likely, things will never change. My ex never hit me, but would put me down and make me feel stupid or inferior to him. He was also a drinker and a gambler. I found myself sad almost all the time. I stayed for almost 10 years, always going back to him. We tried 3 different therapists with him promising to change every time. The almost end was him getting drunk and so close to actually hitting me, I ended up having a nervous breakdown in his sisters bo6friends driveway. The next day he bought ME a new phone for fathers day (yes, I got the present that day). I still gave him an9ther chance. I was stupid. The divorce just went through this December and although he is still trying to control me (through our boys) I am happier than ever. Especially after finding a man who respects me and treats me right. *cont.
    hotmama404

    Answer by hotmama404 at 11:06 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • All I can tell you is when you finally do find the strength to leave him, you will finally be happy. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Remember, you can never be happy unless you are with someone who wants to make you happy. Its not all about your husband/wife. You have to be good to yourself as well.
    hotmama404

    Answer by hotmama404 at 11:08 AM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • Sour milk stays sour; it never turns good again, it just gets more rank. This man is no good for you. Get out as soon as you can.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:45 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

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