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Should we invite our mother to our father's memorial?

They were married for 30 years and divorced for 30 years. Neither remarried or had contact with each other after the divorce. Dad died a year ago in the state we grew up in. My brother, myself and Mother live in the same state now - not the state we grew up in. My brother and I are having our own private memorial and spreading the ashes at a place we used to go as kids. We were shocked when, shortly after Dad died our Mother was upset that we hadn't invited her to the memorial. No plans had been made at that time. Now we are planning to have the memorial in a few months. Our plan is to let our Mother know that we are going to have a private memorial and don't feel confortable with her being there. However, we want to acknowledge her feelings and would be happy to give her some of Dad's ashes so that she can have her own memorial. What do you think about our plan?


Asked by bewildered1313 at 2:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2013 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think you should. Regardless of how their relationship was at the time of his death, he was a huge part of her life. They have children together, there are a lot of memories.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:00 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • it really depends on how you feel about it... personally.. i would invite her to the original memorial. only because together they created you and they were in love at one time in there life and for what sounds like a long time. if she wanted to be there maybe she should ... i dont think she wants to have her own... i think she just wants to be a part in his passing.

    Answer by noegirl14 at 2:39 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • Of course you should!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:37 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • I think that after spending 30 years with the man she is entitled to go and it would be unfair for you not to invite her....

    Answer by older at 3:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • I think she should have the option... he was the father of her children no matter what happened after that. It's normal for her to grieve the fact that her children lost their father as well. 


    Answer by Crafty26 at 2:39 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • If there was no hard feelings and no reason for your mother not to be there then yes I think you should.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:39 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • Would it hurt you and your brother in some way to invite your mother? Thirty years is a long time to be with someone, and together they created a family. If there's not some extenuating circumstance we don't know about, why not just invite her and grieve together?

    Answer by Ballad at 2:44 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • I would say Yes. Just because they were divorced for 30yrs, they were still married for 30yrs previously and had children together, that is a lot of history together.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:48 PM on Feb. 18, 2013

  • I find it bizarre you're not comfortable with your mother there. There has to be more to the story. Under ordinary circumstances I see no reason why she shouldn't be invited.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 2:53 PM on Feb. 18, 2013