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depressed big time!

my family of origin have nothing to do with me, and I am so fricken lonely I can't stand it, I have friends and married with kids. But I long to have extended family. I'm a first born, I wonder if my mom wished that she aborted me, and that is why I feel like she wishes I would just kill myself. I don't know how to make things better.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Feb. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Well is reconciling with your family an option? If so we need more info.
    If not, then focus on the family and friends that you do have. And re focus on you too. Find a spiritual family if you are a Christian. Find hobbies you love if youre into that. Maybe school, or some type of self improvement...
    I hope you find something that works.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:29 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I don't know if reconcilable, folks pretty stubborn. It's just that I like relationships to not only be family like but have some continuity or history to them and that takes time, and so does building trust and I wish I had my "non-blood" families in place but I still miss this fantasy intact family of those that have shared my life and really care about me and look out for me like they would look out for themselves and this be a mutual between us, should I find a way to get a message to my mom that asks her if she prefered that I was never born? and if she secretely wishes that I would commit suicide? I struggle with these feelings and I know she has loved me at times but she is so disconnected from me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • "should I find a way to get a message to my mom that asks her if she prefered that I was never born? and if she secretely wishes that I would commit suicide? I struggle with these feelings and I know she has loved me at times but she is so disconnected from me."

    Would it make you feel any better to get her answers? I don't think it would.

    Sometimes you have to make your own family. That's what we've had to do, since all my relatives are too far away and DH won't have anything to do with his family (for good reason...his mom is very much like yours).

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:43 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • maybe she would think about it and see if she did/does, maybe her knowing that I know may trigger something that could break down this wall. I don't know, I hear the suggestions make your own family, I am but as I said before it takes years for it too fully develop, I am not shunning people I am open but truly deep friendships are slow to take off and cement well and I think rare to become of "family" status, in the mean time I grieve both. and I have hope to have both in my future. I wish my dh and kids were enough. I love them and wish to share my kids with their relatives, I hope someday to be a grandmother, but will my own family (children/dh) fall apart like my family of origin, my children right now doesn't seem that much different than when me and my siblings were kids. And I don't know if I am much different from my own mother whom I thought was a good mother like my kids think of me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I kind of know what you are feeling. My family is wonderful but I am not that close to them for a reason. I have the most awesome husband and kids and if it were up to MY family I would not have my family now. See I broke up with a rich boyfriend and chose my now husband. This did not sit well with some members of my family. Those same family members have tried to convince me to leave my husband for the old boyfriend because of money and the name the old boyfriend brings to the family. At every obsticle my DH and I had there were those family members saying that I should have married the other guy. So I cut ties with that side of the family period. I never regreted the choice I made. We have been so poor but we are doing great now. And my DH knows that I did not choose him for money. I chose him because I couldn't live without him. As for my family, they are right here in my house and they are all I need.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I don't think asking your mom those type of questions will work.. if anything they may anger her. SHe may just be feeling that she failed you.. and if you asked something like that, she would know she did. I think you need to instead ask her something positive.. ex.. what was the best memorie you have of me growing up.. or ask about how her and her mom go along (sometimes it's hard for a woman if she had a rough childhood with her mom). etc. There are a lot of other options you have that can help you rebuild that relationship.. that keeps the drama out of it.. Drama can only make this worse. PM me if you want to talk more about this.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:22 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

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