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2 Bumps

Live alone or Live with a Friend?

I am 22 years old and have a 2 year old daughter, currently I live at home and as much as my parents help I want to be more independent. I am a single mother, my daughter's father is out of state so I have her all the time. I currently go to school and work full time. One of my best friends has a 3 year old son and is planning on getting her own place and the idea came in to rent an apartment for us and our kids, but I am debating on waiting and move out to a place by myself or take this chance and share an apartment with a friend? Any advice?

Answer Question
 
Juli1206

Asked by Juli1206 at 11:24 PM on Feb. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • i am a firm believer that if friends want to stay friends they do not live together.
    my best friend and I lived next door to each other and that was sometiems too much
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 11:33 PM on Feb. 19, 2013

  • I think it could work temporarily as long asnyou both agree on EVERYTHING. If there is even a tiny thing you don't agree with her on or don't like about the way she does things it will blow up ten fold and the friendship will end. Make sure you have a plan to be on your own eventually and don't procrastinate on that plan.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 11:50 PM on Feb. 19, 2013

  • I would much rather live alone.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:51 PM on Feb. 19, 2013

  • live alone
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:04 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Depends on how much you need to share expenses. If you do decide to live together, talk about everything you can think of. Who cleans what and when? Wha kind of slobbery can you not stand? Will you buy food together or fix your own meals? How are shared bills divided? How far can you go in disciplining each other's kids, and if you can't, what recourse do you have if the kids misbehave, especially if the parent isn't home? What kind of music do you like? Early birds or night owls? What's okay to watch on TV in front of the kids? How about when the kids are in bed? What words cannot be said in front of the kids? What toys are off limits? What happens if one or the other of you wants privacy, or to have a visitor over, G-rated or otherwise? How often is okay to ask the other person to babysit?

    Get the picture?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:52 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I have always lived alone. The only room mates I ever had was my kids and my DH. I would never just have a room mate. You want independence. Do not get a room mate.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:45 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I think it's like any relationship: how well things go depends on 1) how much conflict you end up having & 2) how you handle conflict (communication skills.)

    With strong communication skills (esp. for navigating conflict) & a functional concept regarding conflict (i.e., understanding that it's not necessary to avoid conflict in order to keep a relationship intact/healthy!) people can manage a relationship & living together very well, even without being compatible on every single thing (or, even while having a lot of differences!) Their attitudes, beliefs & process re: conflict is the key.
    Also, people with a more dysfunctional concept of conflict who tend to rely on avoidance or stuff their feelings around issues in order to be nice or get along (and then end up resentful & over-extended in the relationship) can experience success in relationships in which there actually IS a lot of compatibility & relatively little conflict.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:53 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Personally, I would rather live alone than with a friend. I see too many opportunities for major conflict that could destroy the friendship. Look at how siblings fight - your kid and hers could end up acting the same way, but you would have no recourse to punish her kid, and if you punish yours and she doesn't punish hers, that's resentment building in yours. If a toy gets broken or something is gotten into and both kids deny, you're on your kid's side and she's on hers, and you guys can't even get away from each other to cool down. And that's just conflict from kids. What if you two disagree on bringing dates home? Or one of you feels like the other is taking advantage of the other for babysitting? If one of you comes up short on your part of the bills, or breaks/damages something of the other's. I just see too many chances for something to happen that will ruin your friendship.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:42 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Wait until you know for sure you are steady enough by yourself. Take advantage of your friends offer and get the extra help for now.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 8:53 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I would stay at home, save my money, complete school, get a better paying job, than get my own place.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 20, 2013

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