My dad has always been one of "those" parents who are never satisfied with what his kids are doing. He has done it so much with my brother, my brother doesn't even want to talk to him.
Anyway, it's always some complaint about my cleaning/cooking/decorating/appearance/parenting. Usually it irritates me a little but I just try to let it slide because my mom says he "does it when he's nervous" and worries and frets later that he's offended me, so I feel bad that I somehow make him nervous. And my son loves him, he plays with him.
Last year, though, he pretty much ruined my oldest child's 3rd birthday party for ME, luckily not for my son.. with whining, complaints, bringing food that I didn't need or want and getting downright indignant when I didn't immediately cut up and put the food he brought out for people to eat, trying to clean stuff that I didn't want cleaned, insulting my appearance and insulting my cleaning, demanding we open presents where he wanted us to do it not where I set up to do so and literally moving all the gifts, making fun of me recycling, offering to take photos but then put down the camera and complained about not getting to enjoy himself like the other guests....
I have a new baby so I'm buying vs making food this year and he commented that it "doesnt sound like much of a party". My mom told me he's already planning on bringing a whole bunch of meats and cheese to supplement my "poor party planning" (!!!!), no doubt he'll want me to spend an hour getting it all out, perhaps even cutting it, arranging it.. No one would do that? He would! Last year he brought tons of UNCUT fruit and then literally demanded that I fix it for people. My mom saved the day by volunteering to do so and apologized to me because she thought the fruit was a gift for us. Good grief, right?
I don't even really want to invite him. But, obviously he thinks he is invited since he's already planning on bringing meat and cheese.
And my kid wants him there and it is his party so... he's invited.
I have this fear that if I say anything to him, as nicely as I can, about the food please please being "ready to consume" that he's going to have a hissy fit and say things he doesn't mean to but will say them and then won't back down.. like say he won't come, or say my aunt can't use his car to come up and watch the kids every couple weeks for me so I can deep clean the house. Sigh. I wish he'd just come up, hands empty besides if he prefers to bring one a gift, and just hush.. but obviously I can't say that particular series of words to him.
Is there a way to get through to someone like this, a way to word it, that won't cause him to throw an adult-style tantrum, or.. well.. not ?
Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2013 in Relationships
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