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Am I being selfish?

Yesterday I posted about a little girl I call my niece getting hit by a car (link here). There is no familial link, but our families are close and we consider each other's kids our own.

In the past hour or so I've realized that I'm NOT ok with what happened yesterday morning. It's been about 30 hours since I saw her get hit, no more than 2 feet in front of me, and al lI can think about is: what about me? Everyone is coming over to see how she is, I've even visited more than once. My kids wanted to get her a stuffed animal to help her feel better. I was totally supportive of that.

But, what about me? She was in MY care. *I* was responsible for her. She got hurt on MY watch. But, everyone who comes over just brings things for her and her siblings. NO ONE has bothered to ask me how I'M doing now. In fact, I got shoved off to the side and ignored once it was known that I was not the little girl's mother. I treat her like mine. I love her like mine. I discipline her like mine. When she's in my care, she's my second daughter.

I'm not ok. While babysitting her two younger siblings while mom and dad were at the ER with her all I had was what happened to her playing and replaying in my head; for THREE HOURS. I had nothing to distract me or keep me busy.

So, what about me? Aren't I important too? Don't I get some consideration for experiencing this traumaitc event too? Does anyone care about me?

Am I being selfish and overemotional?  I'm sitting here sobbing as I type this.

Please be nice. I feel bad enough already. If your first response is to be 100% bitch and yell at me, please don't. Sincere, honest ansers please.


Asked by Rosehawk at 5:36 PM on Feb. 20, 2013 in Health

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Answers (9)
  • I don't think you're beng selfish at all! You witnessed a traumatic event. You probably feel guilty even if you shouldn't, since you did nothing wrong. I can't assume I know exactly how you feel, but I wish I were there to hug you and mak sure yo were okay.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:40 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • You're not being selfish, no. People are focusing on her and her siblings because she's the one who got hit, and her siblings are children who witnessed it. I guess most people just look at it as being that you're an adult, and if you need help, you'll say so, but children might not.

    It's not true, of course, but that's how a lot of people see it, I think. And even though I don't think you're selfish, I think those in the situation might (at least at the moment, with emotions running high and all). Do you have any other friends, outside the situation, that you could talk to about how you're feeling? Maybe even just find some kind of support group online (maybe even on here?) where you can get it out.

    I'm sorry for what all of you went through and I hope all of you will be all right.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:04 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • You are suffering Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome That takes time to heal and you might always feel bad over it. You need to forgive yourself. Your wounds are hard too see, but can be just as bad. Time seems to drag on, when you need to heal.

    Answer by sunshine196 at 6:28 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Aww, honey. Hugs. I prayed for you last night.

    Answer by PandaGwen at 5:42 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • oh wow, a mother's nightmare!!!!

    Answer by staciandababy at 5:47 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Oh, okay. I thought it was her siblings that had seen it, didn't realize it was your kids. Considering it was you and your kids, maybe a visit or two with a therapist or counselor is in order? That way you can all vent, and you can also get some tips on helping your kids deal with it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:19 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I initially did not feel you were being selfish except for this comment "NO ONE has bothered to ask me how I'M doing now. In fact, I got shoved off to the side and ignored once it was known that I was not the little girl's mother. " that concerned me and did sound a little selfish. Then you replied and sounded even more selfish. Yes what you saw was traumatic and you should rightfully be upset about it, but since you are physically fine and she is not they are of course going to be more concerned with her and the fact that she is their CHILD and you are a friend who is physically unharmed by the accident. You sound like a child whining about it not being fair that the other child is getting more attention.

    I would recommend you get some counseling for you and your children that witnessed it though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I don't really have ANY friends, except the family that this has happened to.

    Her siblings are 2 and 1 and were sound asleep in their apartment when she got hit by the car. Her mom sends her to MY house in the mornings so I can make sure she gets to school when I take MY two kids, who did see her get hit. Her siblings are getting presents too because Big Sister is getting presents and THEY want too. All those kids are spoiled. The 2 year old will throw his bottle at your head and scream at you until you get him what he wants. If you tell them NO, they all scream and "cry" until they get what they want. I think she's being a Drama Queen about it all too. She'll start screaming and whining about how much her leg hurts even if you walk by her, a foot from the couch she happens to be laying on. But, will not react at all if you lightly tap her toes/poke her leg if she's distracted.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 6:15 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Well I was beginning to see your case having witnessed an accident etc until you threw in how you think the girl is faking how much pain she is in and how spoiled you think she is. Once you started bad mouthing the kid you lost all credibility. Now it sounds as if you are more upset with the attention and "Stuff" she and her family are getting as opposed to not having any moral support to check on how you are handling the stress of witnessing the situation.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 7:02 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

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