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3 Bumps

Making a Child, Minus the Couple

Interesting option, part of an article from NYTimes.com. What do you think?

Making a Child, Minus the Couple


By ABBY ELLIN
Rachel Hope is 5-foot-9 and likes yoga, dance and martial arts. A real estate developer and freelance writer in Los Angeles, Ms. Hope, 41, is seeking a man who lives near her, is healthy and fit, and “has his financial stuff together,” she said. Parker Williams, the 42-year-old founder of QTheory, a charity auction company also in Los Angeles, would seem like a good candidate. A 6-foot-2 former model who loves animals, Mr. Williams is athletic, easygoing, compassionate and organized.

Neither Ms. Hope nor Mr. Williams is interested in a romantic liaison. But they both want a child, and they’re in serious discussions about having, and raising, one together. Never mind that Mr. Williams is gay and that the two did not know of each other’s existence until last October, when they met on Modamily.com, a Web site for people looking to share parenting arrangements.

Mr. Williams and Ms. Hope are among a new breed of online daters, looking not for love but rather a partner with whom to build a decidedly non-nuclear family. And several social networks, including PollenTree.com, Coparents.com, Co-ParentMatch.com, and MyAlternativeFamily.com, as well as Modamily, have sprung up over the past few years to help them.

“While some people have chosen to be a single parent, many more people look at scheduling and the financial pressures and the lack of an emotional partner and decide that single parenting is too daunting and wouldn’t be good for them or the child,” said Darren Spedale, 38, the founder of Family by Design, a free parenting partnership site officially introduced in early January. “If you can share the support and the ups and downs with someone, it makes it a much more interesting parenting option.”

The sites present what can seem like a compelling alternative to surrogacy, adoption or simple sperm donation.

“I’ve met so many women in this same situation, who aren’t married and feel like they missed the boat,” said Dawn Pieke, 43, a sales and marketing manager in Omaha, Neb., whose daughter, Indigo, was born last October. Ms. Pieke met Indigo’s father, Fabian Blue, on a Facebook page for Co-parents.net in June 2011, not long after the end of her 10-year relationship. She wanted a baby, but feared doing it alone because, she said, “I didn’t grow up with my dad.” Rather than focusing on a love match, she decided to find someone to share both the financial and emotional stresses of child rearing.

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 7:10 PM on Feb. 20, 2013 in Politics & Current Events

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I am conflicted on this issue. I see the extreme good and also the extreme bad that can come out of this. With the 'normal' family you know the cute little house, the white picket fence, the dog and a cat and 2 kids. Kids brought up with love and attention from both parents. The kids see how they interact with one another, and the kids as they grow up want that and will not expect anything less. Well most times. It shows with daddy's little girls, what kind of man the little girl want, is someone like her dad. Its the same with abusive households. When kids grow up and they see dad and mom fight, dad hits mom or visa versa, and the kids think this is the way life is cause they do not know any differently. Then they tend to gravitate towards that life style. IMO, I think a single parent is better then this new trend. The child may grow up with a better understanding of what hard work can do and what you are capable of

    cont..
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:50 AM on Feb. 21, 2013

  • I don't see why it matters or why it should be anyon'es business but the people wanting a child. Plenty of single people have children on their own (whether through adoption, surrogate, or sperm donor). So why shouldn't 2 people that want the same thing be able to colaborate to achieve it as well? It's none of your concern.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 7:18 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • It's not really any of my business how, when, why anyone has children, but I'd much rather see children be born into a situation like this than some of the other not so great circumstances that you see too many of.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 7:38 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Interesting.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:45 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I find it interesting that someone would deliberately put themselves in a child sharing situation like that (as a divorced woman constantly fighting with her ex over child support), but it's not my place to judge. And if they can make it work, more power to them. Frankly, I kind of wish I could have done something like this, rather than listening to my ex with his claims of "oh, I won't go anywhere!"
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • But 2 people who want a kid, but not one another, what kind of example is that for our future generation? The only thing that couple has in common is that child. At least with a gay couple who want a child, they still love one another, and they can show that child what to expect from any relationship. Love, honor, trust and devotion. And I agree that being a single parent is hard work, a lot of responsibility. But a parent can also can teach their kids resiliency. Resiliency, the ability to "bounce back" when negative things happen, is one of the most valuable skills one needs to survive in this world.
    Maybe I just not with 'it' anymore. I grew up in a abusive household, but my mom was there for me to teach me the world isn't like that. But this new way of becoming a 'family' just isn't right. But again, IMO...
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:05 AM on Feb. 21, 2013

  • I think this could open up a huge can of worms. What happens to the child when 1/2 wants to move? Do you go with shared parenting? How would this go down in court? Who gets custody? What happens when 1/2 finds love and marries? Can they now adopt the child leaving the other 1/2 out? For some this may work but I honestly see more problems then answers.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:47 AM on Feb. 21, 2013

  • This isn't our business but the fall out becomes it. Studies show over and over and over that a two parent home is the best situation for children. I don't even care if those two parents are same sex or not. The statistics are there and no I am not googling them as they are common knowledge. Look single parents have it TOUGH. I am NOT saying they are bad parents, but its SO tough (been there). Even more tough....two parents trying to COparent when they don't live close together, don't share a true connection, and don't really KNOW each other. Also, Women in these situations statistically fare the worst! Often ending up below the poverty line. I mean geeze I have family and friends who do online dating. They go out on these dates with these people that have AMAZING profiles only to find out within a few dates or so that they don't mesh or the person is crazy! I can't even imagine throwing a child into that! At some point
    momof030404

    Answer by momof030404 at 10:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • i"d much rather this, and the child being wanted than the people who spit out kids b/c it's "the thing to do".
    As long as the child is loved, thats all that matters.
    sahmamax2

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 12:45 PM on Feb. 21, 2013

  • Kristi, I never said it was my concern, for goodness sake. I just found the article interesting and posted it. I agree with you; it isn't up to me how, when, or why people have children. I for one don't have a problem with something like this.
    Ballad

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 9:11 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

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