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3 Bumps


I have an honest question from moms who know about relationships. If you wouldn't like to read this, please don't. Lately, I feel like cafemom has nothing but judgmental/rude comments. I don't think there's anything worse than someone begging for help/advice, getting criticized and pawned upon. So please, if you do not know what to say or like my situation, just don't comment at all. 

There's this man. I'm 20 years. He's 20 years old. One of the most amazing men I've ever met. Charming, sweet, loving, comes from a great family and ect. Doesn't smoke, rarely drinks, and mainly has respect. I've known him for a total of 4 years. The first year we worked together the entire year and began developing feelings. By the second year, we started to get a little more intimate. Sometimes we would hookup, but nothing like a bootycall. 1 out of every 5 times. Anyways, he took me out in public. I've met all of his friends. We've not only talked deeply but got to know eachother's qualities. I know I'm the closest girl he's ever been with. Technically, we never dated. But he's never had a girlfriend before. Simply because of the fact that he doesn't want someone else telling him what to do. I respect that, I know it's not fun for someone to get their freedom taken away. Nonetheless, I asked him a year ago if he felt the same way. He didn't say he did, but he didn't say he didn't. He told me what was meant to be in the future would slowly find it's way. That answer threw me off the loop because it wasn't exactly a no, but it wasn't a guarantee either. After that, I noticed he started making more of an effort to hangout with me, but it slowly died out. One a week went to once every two week and so on. We've had periods where we wouldn't hangout for a few months, but when we hung out with each other, the same laughs and memories came right back.
I know the answer I'm most likely going to get is to move on. I've whole heartedly tried. I've dated other people, tried to get to know others, and my heart brought me right back to this man. I recently just saw him, which confused me even more. Not only did we talk about the past together but we were so connected. We spent almost the entire day together. I know a big part of why we don't see each other is because he's busy with his college, work, friends, and family, but aside from that.. there's almost no excuse. He told me before that he's really young and that he respects me. From what I know, and I know because my town isn't "too big".. he doesn't mess around with any girls. He's actually quite the shy guy that prefers just hangout out with his friends.
My problem is, I'm confused and stuck now. I don't know what to do. I want to commit to this man and hopefully get married and start my life with this man, and we aren't even in a committed relationship yet. What should I do? Is twenty really young?

If anyone has any advice or past stories they could relate to this scenario, it would really help.
Thank you Ladies!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Feb. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Wow, twenty is young. He may just not be ready to settle down.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:18 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Are both of you 20? At first, I was going to tell you to move on, because it definitely sounds like he is not interested in marriage, however, if y'all are just 20, why rush it? Go experience the world, date other people, discover who you are. In 5-7 years from now, revisit the possibility of a relationship. Right now, he doesn't want to be committed because he is just 20 and wants to live his life. In a few years things could change. Don't hold out waiting for him, but in the mean time, be you and enjoy you.

    BTW, this is coming from a woman who got married at 19. Although, I love my husband, I do wished we had of waited.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:20 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • 1. Twenty is very young, and not only is he not ready to settle down, he doesnt feel the need to think about it. Hes right.
    2. You are attempting to put your life in a box...a pre planned event of what will happen. He doesnt want this, and I personally think you should relax and see where life takes you.
    3. Moving on from someone doesnt just happen. Its a process. Focus on living your whole life, not just the romance side, and see how it goes.

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:24 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • My advice would be to calm down a little. I used to be exactly like you. I had to control everything and if I didn't know how things were going to turn out I would freak lol. I wanted to know everything. Just be his friend for now. I really think it'll get you farther in the long run. He may get annoyed with the constant defining of the relationship questions.

    Answer by Hollyhock. at 11:30 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • If a guy is interested you will be his "crack"!
    Meaning he will spend every available moment with you.
    He will go out of his way for you.
    He will ignore and neglect everything for you.

    If he cannot find time for you because of family/ friends and whatever, he is just not that into you.

    Answer by feralxat at 11:33 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • I thought I knew what I wanted when I was 20 as well. Thank God things didn't work like I wanted them to.

    I think he's busy with his education right now. I would let him focus on that and just keep in touch every once in a while like ou would with any close friend, but don't rule out meeting other men either. Not that you are giving up on the possibility of the other guy, but you don't want to sit around pining away for something that may not happen.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:37 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • You've never even dated and you're talking about wanting to get married. He sounds like a nice guy and a good friend, but at least right now, that's not what this relationship is about. You don't have to rush things or define what you are to each other. If you get closer and become a couple, great. If not, there's plenty of time for you to find someone else. It's not a race. I got married at 18, and I don't regret it at all, but I wasn't forcing it. It was just right for us. If it's good, it will happen. If it's something you have to force, it's probably not right.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • Meet other people.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:52 PM on Feb. 20, 2013

  • If you really like this guy, man up, and have the balls to ask him out on a real date.
    If he declines, it's not meant to be.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:03 AM on Feb. 21, 2013

  • I've asked him to go out before. He doesn't decline. We hangout and have an amazing time but I'm still left with no answer/relationship status. Like I mentioned, we just recently hungout, but I'm still left confused but deeply in love.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Feb. 21, 2013

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