I have an honest question from moms who know about relationships. If you wouldn't like to read this, please don't. Lately, I feel like cafemom has nothing but judgmental/rude comments. I don't think there's anything worse than someone begging for help/advice, getting criticized and pawned upon. So please, if you do not know what to say or like my situation, just don't comment at all.
There's this man. I'm 20 years. He's 20 years old. One of the most amazing men I've ever met. Charming, sweet, loving, comes from a great family and ect. Doesn't smoke, rarely drinks, and mainly has respect. I've known him for a total of 4 years. The first year we worked together the entire year and began developing feelings. By the second year, we started to get a little more intimate. Sometimes we would hookup, but nothing like a bootycall. 1 out of every 5 times. Anyways, he took me out in public. I've met all of his friends. We've not only talked deeply but got to know eachother's qualities. I know I'm the closest girl he's ever been with. Technically, we never dated. But he's never had a girlfriend before. Simply because of the fact that he doesn't want someone else telling him what to do. I respect that, I know it's not fun for someone to get their freedom taken away. Nonetheless, I asked him a year ago if he felt the same way. He didn't say he did, but he didn't say he didn't. He told me what was meant to be in the future would slowly find it's way. That answer threw me off the loop because it wasn't exactly a no, but it wasn't a guarantee either. After that, I noticed he started making more of an effort to hangout with me, but it slowly died out. One a week went to once every two week and so on. We've had periods where we wouldn't hangout for a few months, but when we hung out with each other, the same laughs and memories came right back.
I know the answer I'm most likely going to get is to move on. I've whole heartedly tried. I've dated other people, tried to get to know others, and my heart brought me right back to this man. I recently just saw him, which confused me even more. Not only did we talk about the past together but we were so connected. We spent almost the entire day together. I know a big part of why we don't see each other is because he's busy with his college, work, friends, and family, but aside from that.. there's almost no excuse. He told me before that he's really young and that he respects me. From what I know, and I know because my town isn't "too big".. he doesn't mess around with any girls. He's actually quite the shy guy that prefers just hangout out with his friends.
My problem is, I'm confused and stuck now. I don't know what to do. I want to commit to this man and hopefully get married and start my life with this man, and we aren't even in a committed relationship yet. What should I do? Is twenty really young?
If anyone has any advice or past stories they could relate to this scenario, it would really help.
Thank you Ladies!
Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Feb. 20, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by Ballad at 11:18 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Are both of you 20? At first, I was going to tell you to move on, because it definitely sounds like he is not interested in marriage, however, if y'all are just 20, why rush it? Go experience the world, date other people, discover who you are. In 5-7 years from now, revisit the possibility of a relationship. Right now, he doesn't want to be committed because he is just 20 and wants to live his life. In a few years things could change. Don't hold out waiting for him, but in the mean time, be you and enjoy you.
BTW, this is coming from a woman who got married at 19. Although, I love my husband, I do wished we had of waited.
Answer by JeremysMom at 11:20 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by Nimue930 at 11:24 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by Hollyhock. at 11:30 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by feralxat at 11:33 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by QuinnMae at 11:37 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:52 PM on Feb. 20, 2013
Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:03 AM on Feb. 21, 2013