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5 Bumps

Please help with wedding dilemma

Hello-

Great forum and thank you for all your advice in advance!

My 29 year old daughter is getting married for the first time. His parents have offerd them $10,000 dollars for the wedding.

My daughter wants to use that money for a nice honeymoon trip to Europe and have me and her Dad split the cost and pay $5000 each for the wedding.

I am divorced, remarried with a 19 month old. My new husband is a full time stay at home Dad while I make all the money. He is very upset and feels that we should not have to pay $5000 dollars because it would put stress on our finances and it is not fair to him or our newborn son.

He thinks my daughter is being selfish and should use the $10,000 the grooms parents are giving toward they're wedding and all the money that they collect from the wedding put toward they're honeymoon.

Is he totally off base? This has created a huge argument because I love my daughter and would do ANYTHING for her!

Thank you for your help!

 
lorisue4

Asked by lorisue4 at 8:55 AM on Feb. 22, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (9 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Your daughter is 29, so I assume she's a responsible adult living outside your home now. You are not obligated to fork over a large amount of cash for their wedding.

    Do what you can for her, but do not put your family in financial distress to pay for her wedding.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 9:19 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • You shouldn't tell people what to pay.  That being said I can't imagine not covering only $5000 for my child's wedding.  I think he would feel differently if this was his bio child.  What the grooms family decided to pay shouldn't matter this is still your daughter.  Ultimately it's between you and your DH, but I would happily do it.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:13 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • I have always thought if the bride and groom can't afford their own weeding then they shouldn't get married at all. I personally think its ridiculous for children to expect their parents to pay for their weddings. If the bride and groom want to get married then they should pay for everything.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:17 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • Traditionally the grooms parents pay for the honeymoon. I can't imagine paying more for the honeymoon than for the wedding. While I don't think it's fair for her to tell your what you should be doling out for her event, it is usually customary to contribute to the expenses. Why not sit down with your DH and figure out what amount would be comfortable and then offer that to her.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:22 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • How old are your daughter and her fiance?

    I have three boys, and when they get married, we'll help them as much as we can with their wedding, but it will be within our budget. You love your daughter and want her to have a special day, but you shouldn't put an undo financial burden on your family to give her one special day.

    If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to accept what you, her father and her in laws can afford (many parents don't pay anymore) and if she wants more, earn the rest with her fiance...that's part of being an adult.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:37 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • My opinion is that, at 29, your daughter should pay for her OWN wedding. The days are gone when a woman went from her parents to her husband's home and never worked outside the home. It's time to come up to date. You contribute whatever you feel comfortable contributing to her wedding. Her future ILs have been rather generous but that is THEIR choice. You should not, in any way, feel obliged to match that.

    Money does not equate love.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 10:04 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • Well usually the brides parents pay for the wedding, if parents are paying.
    Traditionally, the brides parents paid for the entire wedding & the groom's paid for the rehearsal dinner & honeymoon.
    Now granted, more couples are now paying for there own weddings but, I'd think, as the mother, that you would want to contribute.
    If not, I'd recommend that they do what I did, have a "weddingmoon", a destination wedding at their honeymoon locale & not worry about impressing guests.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:15 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • I agree with your husband that they should use the $10,000 for both the wedding and honeymoon.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:14 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • What you can afford to contribute is up to you and your husband. It is not determined by what the groom's parents have already said they will contribute. Your daughter should be grateful for any contribution you offer. And she should not be telling anyone what they should contribute. She is an adult bride and, at her age, the parents do not always foot the bill for the entire wedding. The adult kids in our families who have gotten married planned on paying for the entire thing themselves and gratefully accepted when the parents offered to contribute. She can spend those contributions on anything she wants.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 9:52 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • A 10,000 dollar honeymoon? My husband and I realized that we could do a nice wedding or a nice honeymoon so we chose a destination wedding and had very few guests. The combination cost less than $10,000 and we went to a very nice all inclusive resort for 9 days. My parents paid for their own trip as well as my sister and all total they probably spent more than 5,000 but I would never have dreamed of putting a price or a quota on it.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 2:18 PM on Feb. 22, 2013

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