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Tell me what you think of my poem I wrote it when I was younger #1.

He flew into the sky one day,
There where no words left to say.
Sleepless day, restless nights,
I watched him walk into the sunset till he was out of sight.
I wonder what it's like in that castle in the sky?
I could not find myself to say those final words "goodbye."
No one can ever take your place in my heart,
You where one of my best friends and thats all I can ever ask for.
I can still smell you in the middle of the night,
It stays with me till the morning light.
I feel like im dieing every single day,
I can see your face while looking out over the bay.
Just remember you'll always be in my dreams,
So take sometime and remember... Nothings ever what it seems.

Answer Question
 
Im-HiDdEn

Asked by Im-HiDdEn at 10:48 AM on Feb. 22, 2013 in Just for Fun

Level 18 (5,002 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Who taught you how to write poetry?

    Do you know what commas are for?
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 10:55 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • I'm not a fan of the sloppy meter, and some of the lines ("I watched him walk into the sunset till he was out of sight.", "I can see your face while looking out over the bay.") seem like you wrote something untrue to the narrative in order to get your rhyme.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 10:58 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • a poet you are not
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • It sounds as if you were missing someone very much.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:45 PM on Feb. 22, 2013

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