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My poem #2 tell me what you think- written when I was younger.

The day starts out all a blaze,
my friends keep repeating purple haze.
I shake and shake,
but nothing I do can stop this earthquake.
My memories are all fuzzy, I feel so peaceful,
The more I take in, the deeper I fall into this black hole.
Everyone around me is in such a hurry,
and everyone looks at me with such furry.
I sit in the corner lost and alone,
Then I realize I am almost unknown.
This world is so big and I am so small,
What if everyone around me felt me fall?
What if they saw what i have seen?
What if they experienced what was done to me?
i keep my mind clear all day long,
I am only one of so many among.
I am so far away from you,
Nothing can ever take your place.
I miss feeling you in my arms,
I miss seeing your guyish charm.
So once again I will repeat the phraise,
I love you day after day.

Answer Question
 
Im-HiDdEn

Asked by Im-HiDdEn at 10:49 AM on Feb. 22, 2013 in Just for Fun

Level 18 (5,002 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Terrible formatting
    *phrase
    Writing is fun.
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 10:52 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • Your prose are almost painful to read.
    The entire piece was mind numbingly boring.
    It's like a toddlers attempt at just trying to rhyme words without there being any real point to the poem.
    It has no emotion, it's sing spongy and very childish. It also sounds like you tried to hard to make it poignant or deep and failed miserably. Go take a few writing classes before you post anymore of this online and humiliate yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • It sounds as if you were feeling very sad and insignificant.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:43 PM on Feb. 22, 2013

  • Wonderful especially since you were younger.
    MrsMorrell

    Answer by MrsMorrell at 1:57 PM on Feb. 22, 2013

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