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Is it right for me to try to get full custody of my child?

My son is 3yo; his father is a drug addict. He was very mean physically to me (never to my son) so I have a restraining order against him and I'm now remarried. We had joint?shared custody until recently; he was in jail for drug trafficking. while he was in jail, I found out that he had been taking my son with him when buying/selling drugs. I also found out he had a threat out on his life and when he was arrested (he lives with his mom) they wouldn't open the door for the cops. Therefore, the police kicked the door open and had guns pulled out and drug dogs! My son could have been there! I had know idea how extreme the situation had gotten since I had left his father 2yrs ago. I immediately got a lawyer and recieved temporary full costody. Now he is out and clean, and wants to see my son (likewise my son wants him). But court is in a few days and I don't want to back down from full custody bc I'm scared he will start again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Feb. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I agree, keep full custody. Drug addicts have a way of cleaning up "for a minute" then going back. You can't afford to do it twice. (Your son was lucky this time. What if he was there when the police came in, or they put him in foster care because your ex didn't call you?) Would your ex ever "take" your son & not bring him back? You can't change the past and what was going on when you didn't know, but now you can't act like everything's going back to the way it was. That ship has sailed, new rules. Of course he wants to see his dad, but you have to protect him every way you know how. If it means supervised, then your ex's actions led to these consequences. Not of your doing, but his. Don't back down. :)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 2:58 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • offer supervised visitation for 6 months and if he remains clean the entire time then reevaluate the situation. That way you don't look like you are keeping him from his father but truly want to be able to know he is not in any danger
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 8:51 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Um, yeah, this one's a no-brainer. He shouldn't have more than supervised visitation until the threats on his life have been dealt with. He did the crime that made him lose your son, until he has shown that he can be a responsible citizen, I wouldn't let him have more than the bare minimum in visitation.
    yakara77

    Answer by yakara77 at 8:53 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • No, you should give in to shared custody... at least not for now.
    Let him have supervioned visitations and see how it goes. IF you see that he is really clean a year or so from now you can rethink about let him spend time alone with your son.
    Paty_hotmommy

    Answer by Paty_hotmommy at 9:06 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I got sole custody of my oldest three for similiar reasons. What the judge did was give me sole custody and sole descretion as to how or if visits took place. That gave me the ability to tell my ex he had to clean up, have clean drug tests and stay out of trouble for so long before he could visit unsupervised. Ialways offered supervised visits between but he refused to take them. I think going for sole with some stipulations before visits is a good idea. If a judge wont do as they did in my case perhaps you can ask the judge to place stipulations like going to NA, random drug testing etc.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:02 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Supervised visitation in a public place, tell them that you fear for your childs safety and why.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Supervised visitation but not involing YOU he will use that to see you and cause trouble for your new relationship.......have him see your son at a park where your parents will met him with your son, he can have a couple of hours, your son will have fun see dad and come home,,,Change the place next tiem just in case his EX-friends are still looking for him...Have him come by your parents home sometimes? or jsut leave it to visit at the DFAC offices for 6 mths until you see fi he is cleaning up his act.....Just Be Careful.......Good Luck......Angel
    pride4mom

    Answer by pride4mom at 12:05 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • will you please go to this link and sign this petition?
    http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/439902107

    THIS MOM NEEDS ALL THE SUPPORT AS POSSIBLE_PLEASE GO TO THIS LINK AND SIGN_PLEASE!
    freeaprilgriffn

    Answer by freeaprilgriffn at 1:27 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Without a doubt, yes.
    DeTora_Family

    Answer by DeTora_Family at 3:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • You know the answer to that question yourself! Get the full custody, if he changes his ways, you can give his son back, but not until then. You so know the answer to that!
    shmorris56

    Answer by shmorris56 at 3:30 PM on Feb. 15, 2009