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What would you do?

So, I have a 2 1/2 year old little boy, who ABSOLUTELY LOVES playing with his cousins, that live less than 10 minutes away. Well, for the past few months, my sister-in-law, has decided that she hates the entire family and can't wait to divorce my brother-in-law and move out. Not really sure what happened, and her husband doesn't know what happened either, other than she went to visit her side of the family back in June and came back with this attitude. (They have a 7 year old, and an almost 4 year old.) She has gone absolutely crazy, in the fact that she hasn't been to a family get together since June, she won't talk to anyone in the family, and now she doesn't want her girls around anyone in her husband's side of the family. My bil is trying to keep the peace while she is still there, and won't really stand up to her, but it's starting to affect the kids. My son asks me ALL the time when he can play with his cousins again. Every day he tells me, "Mommy, I wanna play with Mace, when can I play with Mace?" And I never know what to tell him. Well yesterday, I talked to my bil, and he packed Mace a bag for her to come and spend the night. My little boy was so excited! And so was his cousin! We set up a play tent in his room for them to sleep in, they stuck together the entire day, and we were planning on making homemade pizzas for dinner and cake pops for dessert. They were having such a blast, until my bil showed up and informed us that my sil wanted Mace to go home and that she didn't need to be here and she didn't need to stay the night. Both the kids were heartbroken, and were really confused why she wasn't staying the night anymore. My son kinda flipped out when his cousin left, and kept saying "I wanna go with Mace!" And I just had to sit there and listen to him cry... I feel so bad because there's nothing I can do.. Everyone in this side of the family has kept their mouth shut when it comes to what my sil is doing, and won't approach her, but it's affecting the kids now. As a mom, my main concern is for the kids. I want to say something to her, but not sure if I should or just keep my mouth shut. There's so many more things that have happened, and none of us know what to do..

As a mom, what would you do if this was your child?? What would you do to try to make things better? Anything would help!

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dohrmom_2010

Asked by dohrmom_2010 at 11:58 AM on Feb. 23, 2013 in Relationships

Level 12 (760 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I would call her & be really nice & ask if there is anything you can help her with. See if you can talk to her & maybe she'll open up & tell her that it is really good for the kids to be together. Maybe she feels like you are an enemy (if you haven't spoken to each other in a while). Reassure her that you are there for her. If on the other hand she does not return the kind words & is nasty then you have to MYOB. Either way just be nice. Drop it & when they do divorce, the Dad will have visitation & maybe on a Holiday the kids can play. That's life.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:06 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • well BIL needs to grow a fucking back bone.He shouldn't allow he's fucking crazy ass wife to emotionally harm his child.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:14 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Yeah, I've tried talking to her, and in September, we even got coffee together, and she was telling me how she has just been this horrible wife and needed to change some things. She said she was going to church again and was going to be a better wife and really work on things. And she also told me that she feels bad because she had been such a horrible friend to me, and that she wanted to be close again, (we used to do things all the time, she was my only friend when I moved here). I thought things were going fine, and then a few days after Thanksgiving, she deleted and blocked everyone in the family, or that is friends mutual friends with her husband on facebook, and just stopped talking to people in the family all together.. I've offered to take the girls for the night, and her husband is all for it, but then she decides that she doesn't want them with anyone in this family, so they go home.. I'm just not understanding it
    dohrmom_2010

    Comment by dohrmom_2010 (original poster) at 12:14 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Maybe she has real emotional issues. I'd call her again & try to talk to her. GL!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:16 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Unfortunately, it seems to me that right now, it's doing more harm than good to get the kids together. I would just gently tell your son that the grown-ups aren't getting along at this point, so Mace won't be coming over. That's better than ending a great visit with heartbreak. Then, like ILMP said, maybe try to reach out to your sister-in-law. But don't count on her to be reasonable, since she seems to not be in that place lately. I had to split my daughter an stepson from cousins that way, an it was unfair and very sad for the kids, but everybody got used to it eventually.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:17 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • I talked to my mil last night and she said the same thing, except hers was, he needed to grow some balls... My husband told my bil that and told him, that if their mom is saying that, then you know it's bad. My bil is always telling me how he's trying to make it to where the girls can come over more and have sleep overs, and that he hopes I know that... But honestly I don't, especially when the kids are over, and planning on staying the night, then he comes to pick them up right before dinner.. It's like it's a game to her, and she's getting her way with everything, just because my bil is trying to "keep the peace"...
    dohrmom_2010

    Comment by dohrmom_2010 (original poster) at 12:17 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Maybe BIL isn't so innocent. There has to be more to the story that you don't know about.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:18 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • BTW, You never know what's going on behind closed doors. If a relationship is failing they are both at fault. Her & her Husband. You don't live with him maybe he is causing her have low self esteem. You may only see the good side of him.  She may have been able to think clearly when she went & saw her family & was away from him. Just a thought.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • My husband and I have both thought that too, but my bil is really a great guy. He's a great father and has supported his family for 9 years. My sil doesn't cook, clean, or discipline their kids. She complains about everything, and about not getting any "time to herself". While her husband works 40+ hours a week, cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids. I mean, he's done everything, And all my sil ever talks about is how she wants time to herself... I mean, she is just completely selfish. She gets on these tangents about how my bil is going to turn into an alcoholic, since he has a beer occasionally. For Christmas, she got him a 6 pack of beer and some bud light pajama pants. It's just insane....
    dohrmom_2010

    Comment by dohrmom_2010 (original poster) at 12:25 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • I agree with LostSoul. There has to be something going on there that you aren't aware of. I wouldn't allow my kids to go with any of my ex's family - because I know they won't take care of my kids properly, having seen how they care for their own. But I also know that he would show up and badmouth me to my kids, if I did allow that. Obviously, she knows you wouldn't neglect or hurt her kids, but maybe whatever is going on between her and her husband has her afraid that something might happen while the kids are with his family. If she won't talk to you, or refuses to be reasonable, I think the best thing would just be to tell your son that the kids can't play together right now and leave it at that. Tell him you're sorry, you know it hurts, and it's not his fault. Then just try to distract him with other friends or going to the park or something.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:28 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

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