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6 Bumps

Daughter's dilema

My daughter is getting married in about a year. She and her dad have not spoken in 11 years. He deeply hurt her emotionally, ( his new love would cry if my daughter asked to spent time alone with her dad, so he told my daughter they shouldn't see each other any more)and until he is willing to acknowledge how much he hurt her, ( he doesn't think he did anything wrong) and makes attempts to help heal the wounds he caused, she does not feel emotionally able to invite him to the wedding. It would ruin her day. She is very close to her grandfather, and he wants her to invite her dad, and that would mean including his "new" wife and kids whom he abandoned my daughter (and son) for. She wants to meet with her grandfather and explain why she can't invite her dad. ( he has no idea his son is such a douche) But she also doesn't want to tell him, because after all it is is son. What do you think she should do?

 
musicmaker

Asked by musicmaker at 3:28 PM on Feb. 23, 2013 in Relationships

Level 28 (34,183 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • What a crappy situation for your daughter to have to deal with. :(
    I have been going through something similar. My father is a drunk, a loser, and a liar. I finally couldn't take it anymore and cut contact with him last year. My grandmother (his mother) and I were pretty close, and this has caused a lot of strain between us. She knows some of the crap he has been pulling, but he lies to her constantly about me, so who knows what she believes and doesn't. In the meantime, every time we get together, she talks constantly about him. I have been seeing her less and less because I don't want to smile and nod while she goes on and on about him and I bite my tongue. Also, I don't say much about what goes on in my life because she repeats everything I say to him. It's an impossible situation.
    I think your daughter should talk to her grandpa about this - once. Leave it at that and don't let herself get sucked in more than that.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:40 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • I think she should tell Grandpa the truth: His son is a douchebag and she refuses to let him treat her that way. If she's truly close to her grandpa, then he should be able to hear her out and at least try to understand. And frankly, if his son is as much of a douche as you're claiming, don't be so sure he doesn't know. He may not want to admit it, because it's his son and he loves him and maybe feels it's his own fault, but I'd bet he is aware of how his son is. Especially if he hasn't seen your daughter in a long time, how could Grandpa not be aware?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:31 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Agree with Wendy....your daughter needs to talk it over with her grandfather.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 3:35 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Invite grandpa. not dad.

    the logistics of doing so are up to her.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:39 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • It's her wedding... NO ONE should put pressure on her to invite anyone she doesn't want there. She can tell the grandfather she is not inviting the father and offer to explain why if her wants to hear it. If he does not she should just carry on with HER plans for HER wedding. Screw what anyone else thinks!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 3:43 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Honesly, I think grandpa asking for your daughter to invite dad may have been a way fo him to try to get in contact with his son. Has anyone thought to ask gandpa when the last time was that he talked to his son?
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 3:42 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Grandpa needs to be told the truth. And he needs to be told that ignoring facts does NOT make them go away.

    Dad is NOT invited. Period.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:27 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • I would invite the dad and just be cordial.  

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 3:33 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • It's her wedding day. She gets to do what she wants. It's a once in a lifetime event, at least hopefully, and nobody gets to ruin that. If I were your daughter, I'd tell grandpa, but keep it short and sweet. I'm not inviting Dad because it hurt when he left me for his new wife and kids and didn't contact me, period. End of story.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:41 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

  • Someone should have told grandpa long before now but yes tell gramps. He may have words of advice to help the healing process.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:43 PM on Feb. 23, 2013

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