Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i've tried everything!!!

I got pedicures, i got my hair done, i bought nice new clothes, i put on makeup, i moisturize day and night, i am not overweight at all, but is still feel like the biggest loser and not good enough for anybody. i am starting to be embarrassed in front of my friends and family. I am seeing a therapist, and he says looks aren't everything, but i still keep seeing a loser in the mirror. Has anyone else ever felt like this. My ex husband left me for another woman and is still with her by the way.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Feb. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Sounds like you need to spend some time discovering yourself. You're putting emphasis on outside appearance, but outside appearance has nothing to do with self esteem. What things make you happy? What things make you feel good?
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 1:06 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I would try taking a look at the person on the INSIDE instead of focusing on the person you see on the OUTSIDE! Perhaps your "high maintenance" appearance gets boring after a while. What do you bring to the table in terms of interests, hobbies, discussions, etc., do you work, do you have plans to work, advance your education/career? Are you a "domestic diva?"

    I've met some incredibly beautiful women, who are incredibly dull, and helpless when it comes to carrying a conversation that is not self-centered, or about an intellectual subject matter, or being self-sufficient--they cannot cook, don't like to clean, and complain that they feel "unfulfilled."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • i know exactly what youre feeling! i went through the same thing and i always felt like i wasnt good enough. then one day everything just changed. i realized that confidence is the most sexy thing in the world to a guy.instead of criticizing myself, everyday i wrote down in a journal one thing that i loved about myself. doing this helped me to build confidence in myself. and its funny,once i started doing that i got hit on more times then i ever had in my life. theres something about confidnce that changes you, you walk around more proud and guys notice it. you could be the ugliest girl in the world, but if you think youre gorgeous, then everyone else will to. so start with the journal thing. i know it may seem dumb, but its amazing how much it helps. i am so thankful i did it. once i got my confidence i found the man of my dreams and were now married with a beautiful daughter. you can do it too.. have faith
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 1:13 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • If you had a friend who's husband left her for another woman, would you call her a loser? Or would you comfort her and say "good riddance, you can find someone better?" My point is, stop bashing yourself for something your husband did. You can be the most beautiful girl in room, but if you have no confidenc and belief in yourself, you won't attract anyone. Have you ever wondered why some not so attractive girls get all the good guys? It's because they believe in themselves. It's great that you take care of yourself but now you have to start taking care of what's inside. The first thing is to stop thinking your a loser ( I know it hard)..You're not a loser unless you let youself be one. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start going out there and focusing on others. Volunteer, train for a marathon with a cause, don't base what your worth on whether your alone or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I agree with Amanduhpanda, men LOVE confident women and even if you've been told by someone in your past that you are not "good enough", fake it! Ignore the negative feelings inside and start thinking positive thoughts about yourself. Everyday, look in the mirror, say to yourself, "I'm awesome!" Repeat. Over time you will find you feel awesome. You will soon attract new friends from every corner! Good Luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • You sound normal to me. Who wouldn't have that reaction initially if their husband/boyfriend left them for someone else. The best thing you can do for yourself, is to try to find your worth in accomplishments rather than appearance. Even supermodels don't measure up to each other in one way or another. It is a futile game you are playing with yourself. Right now the hurt is fresh. Set goals and achieve them, and in time the feelings you are having will be replaced with a healthier outlook.
    FlyMom07

    Answer by FlyMom07 at 2:07 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Put on a hot outfit and walk by a construction site! Repeat daily until you realize that when they yell and whistle there is not someone behind you it is YOU they find attractive! Seriously, you need to get out and let others boost your faith in your looks until you believe it. Whenever I start feeling fat and old (165 & 35) something good happens like some young guy taking a second look and I feel much better! Your ex was the fool for leaving you for another woman it was more about him than you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Darlin' these ladies are right, it's not about your shell. It's about who you are as a person. I'm sorry your h left you but it's his loss. You sound like you are letting his actions control your life even now. Don't worry about them. They probably deserve each other. What he has done is cut you loose so you can find your true soulmate. Take some classes or take up a hobby to get your mind off of him/them and to focus on you. Maybe take a yoga class and find your "center". Do things for you. The ladies are right, men are attracted to confidence and smiles. Get your twinkle back in your eye. Learn to flirt if you don't know how. Don't be overbearing about it, just smile or wink or something simple until you feel good about it. Make men want you. Make them want to get to know you. Be mysterious yet carry the air of confidence about you. Hold your shoulders back and stand up tall and let the world show you what it has to offer.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:54 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • What's on the outside cover is so meaningless. It's the content that matters!

    What do you do well? What do your friends and family like about you? What interests you?

    Discover these things and good men will beat down your door. And you may find you just don't have the time for them because you have your own fabulous life to live!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:45 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Try some exercise. not to lose weight, but just for you! It is amazing how much it improves your mood &confidence!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.