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What should I do? Don't agree with dd putting babygirl up for adoption.

I will get to the point on a long story of me and my dd, when she found out she was pregnant right before she moved out with her friend in their new home and off to college the next week she was ok about it then called and said she was putting her up for adoption, also she was with two men and not sure whos it is. She is dead set about this after her father and I would do anyhting to help her get through school and work but still says no and wants a closed adoption, she is due in 8 wks.I am panicking becuase I have tried my heart ot to talk her out of the biggest most important decision she will ever make.Just because of not being with the dad and single.I tell her all she needs is her real family.Since I am against it she asked me to stay out of her life until the babys gone.I am so scare she is making a bigg mistake and I am having a horrible time with it.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Feb. 15, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (34)
  • It is only her decision. Heartbreaking though it will be for you, the baby will have a good home so you don't need to worry about that. The only alternative I can see may be for you to see if you can adopt the child.

    Answer by Bmat at 2:09 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I am sorry, I know you would do anything for your grandchild, but if your daughter wants to give her baby up for adoption it is her decision...she may regret it later, but it sounds like she has made up her mind. If I were you I would just support her in the toughest decision in her life...

    Answer by ELC at 2:10 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • It sounds like she is trying to do what is best for the baby and for her. I am sure that you are heartbroken to think about your grandchild being raised by another family, but unless you are prepared to take that baby and raise it as your own, and talk her into that, what else can you do? It sounds like your daughter wants the opportunity to go through school and have a career and knows how hard that would be with a baby and is trying to offer the baby a secure future with a family that is prepared for a baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I don't think you can do anything about the adoption at this point. She sounds like she's made up her mind.
    What you can do is to remember that she is your daughter and will need you. You and I both know the emotional roller coaster she is on and how much worse it will be after the baby is born. She will need your love and support.
    If she won't talk to you, send her a card. Simply state that you love her and will always be there for her - now and in the months and years to come. Make sure she knows that she can turn to you for love and support without any judgemental attitudes hanging over her. While that may seem obvious to you, it's not to her. Let her know that while you may not agree with her decision or are having a hard time with it, you will always love and support her.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 2:24 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • have you thought about adopting it? at least she has been responsible and didn't have an abortion. she may be doing what she feels best for the baby and giving a miracle to a family who is unable to have children. right now you need to be there for YOUR daughter- maybe this TRUELY is the best decision for her so she can still have her life and so she won't end up resenting the baby (something one can't control) good luck!

    Answer by krazyash023 at 2:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • If she is not open to you adopting the baby and is an adult there is really nothing you can do but be there for your daughter. Even though you disagree with her decision it seems like she has really thought this out and it is the best decision for her. One question if she doesn't know who the father is how is she going to give the baby up with out the fathers permission? Would he want to keep the child and let you be in her life?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I dont think she can place her daughter up for adoption until the father is proven and he signs over his rights too. If he decides not to, then he gets the baby. If he decides to then you can always adopt the baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • This is not about you and what you want. Your daughter had made her decision and needs your support and undertanding regardless of how you feel. Unless you decide to adopt your grandchild or take care of the baby 24/7 while your daughter goes to school, you really don't have much say. What is her "real family" or you going to do when your daughter is in school, with no job, and a crying baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but it is the mom's decision. Maybe in time, before it's too late, she 'll have a change of heart. If not, you'll just have to accept her decision, and be there to support her through it. Good Luck and May God Be with you and your family through this trying time.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 2:46 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • You need to just support her, this is obviously very difficult and selfless of her. She's doing what she feels is best for both her and the baby, it is her life.

    Answer by staceynoel at 2:52 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

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