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how to deal with my boyfriend's spoiled 14 yr old daughter

My boyfriend and I have known each other forever, and we have been together for 2 years now. Both of us have been married and divorced, each with a child. His daughter is killing our relationship but he doesn't see that she does anything wrong. He is so laid back about what she does it is to the point now that she tells him what he is doing and watch out if he says no to her. Usually he won't tell he no and gives her whatever she wants. The last year had been really bad. I didn't have a problem with her before but lately I can't tolerate her. I don't expect any more from her than I do my own kid, but my 4 yr old is more independent and responsible than her. Her and her mother don't get along well and she lives with her dad, so I'm constantly around her. Her and her mother act identical. She takes no responsibility for her actions. How do I stop letting this bother me, or isn't there a solution?

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llynnie44

Asked by llynnie44 at 12:52 PM on Feb. 25, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • No solutions that I know of. I know someone like this and she ruined several of her father's relationships and his last marriage. You might just have to opt to outlast her, or depending on how committed you are you could suggest couples counseling to help get your message across that her behavior is a roadblock for you and that he needs to start being her parent and not her friend. Good luck.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:57 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • If he won't step up, then it will only get worse. But you can't really tell him how to parent or how you feel about his "baby" girl. I think you better cut your ties now, b/c if he doesn't see it as a problem that needs fixing, the problem won't go away. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:58 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Wow, that's a pickle. The daughter may be trying to derail your relationship so she can have Daddy to herself. You can't really do much except stick to your guns on your house rules, and the consequences of not following them.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:03 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • What exactly about her is spoiled?

    I think a lot of single dad's feel guilty and try to over compensate.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • So you two do not live together?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • The truth is that it isn't yours to deal with. It's his. And if he refuses to even see that it's a problem, there is nothing you can do--except to choose to accept things just as they are with the full knowledge that you have absolutely no power to fix any of this.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:29 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • No, we do not live together. We have houses in 2 different school districts, and he won't move in with me until his kid is out of school. And I do not like the district he is in, so I won't move with him.

    Spoiled as in every demand he gives into. She will text him from her bedroom to bring her food. If she wants something, instead of coming downstairs she yells until he goes up to see what she wants. She can be as whiny and bad as she wants and he lets it continue. Meanwhile this makes it very difficult to correct my child when she can do as she pleases.
    llynnie44

    Comment by llynnie44 (original poster) at 1:31 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Sounds like he is short-term parenting. Fixing the immediate problem and not parenting to better the child in the long run.

    But who am I to say that? I have no idea. Keep raising your child as you see fit and let him raise his the way he wants. If he asks for help, help him. I know 14 year olds can be SCARY these days. She could very well be depressed or have other issues you aren't aware of.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:35 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • i would say not to marry him You can't control her or him, so the best you can do is live with IT, or without IT
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 1:38 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • I agree it is short term parenting. I have brought this up before and he doesnt see a problem with not preparing her for real life. And last weekend she made a comment that she never wants to move out bc she doesnt want to have to get things on her own. So if they move in with me and she never leaves, I will go nuts.
    llynnie44

    Comment by llynnie44 (original poster) at 1:44 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

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