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6 Bumps

Give me strength, I think it's time to give him the boot!

Anyone who's followed my dilemma w/ my middle son knows my husb & I have been very patient since he returned home at the end of Oct. We gave him time to get his act together, & also told him that we expected $100/mth rent beginning in Dec. He only works part time & is going to school. He paid $50 in Dec. & nothing since. I've been asking him for his rent weekly, & he keeps boo-hooing how he's broke & only has enough for gas & insurance. We are scrapping by too & aren't asking for much, esp. considering he doesn't even clean up after himself & eats like a pig. So, it's about 2 wks til his B-day & I was thinking about the timing of giving him written notice that he has 30 days to get out for failure to pay. I love him but just can't live with this stress, tension, etc. It's time for him to grow up. What do you think of the timing tho- is that too mean to be so close to his B-day?

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 7:30 PM on Feb. 25, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (281,413 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (37)
  • i remember this, I think you should show him this post, lol. He does need a wake up call, so I would pull a "poker" bluff, say you have until the end of March to get caught up, as you can see most parents would have given you the boot.. He needs a big wake up call, and I think I may have suggested to you earlier that you get him an evaluation for depression. Huggs to you!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:01 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • I would LOVE to live with you for 100 dollars a month! Tell him if he doesn't pay, I'm moving in! AND I'll clean the house!
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:56 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • The timing sucks, but I don't know that there will ever be a 'good time' to drop something like this on him. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Sometimes people need to be forced out of the nest to see what they are capable of. I guess the questions you need to ask yourself are 1) is there ever going to be a better time? 2) how long can we afford to keep him as things are now (because he has shown you how he will honor any kind of rental agreement with you) and 3) what kind of stress and damage is supporting him doing to your marriage.

    I don't know the back story since I haven't been around so much, but just going off of your original question, these are the questions that came to mind.
    As for him being this way because of you, I personally have known several adults with wonderful upbringing that seem to still make bad choices. He's an adult, he needs to own his behavior and actions.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:05 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Perhaps he needs to flip it
    School part time and work full time
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • I'm sorry for what you're going through. If it will cause *you* pain to give him notice so close to his birthday, then maybe wait tilla week or two afterward, but I wouldn't worry about how you think he'll feel because you've been more than patient. A hundred bucks a month and cleaning up after himself is hardly a lot to ask of an adult, your son or not.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 9:05 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • another place.
    Part of parenting is letting them fall and letting them pick themselves back up again.
    I think you are right.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:33 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Is there ever a good time? I'd just do it and explain you've tried but enough is enough.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • I haven't read all of your posts, but this is really hard because I could never do that while one of the kids was in school. What kind of school is it and when will he be finished? Is he doing well or just skating by? He'll probably not finish if he has to move out. I certainly would not let him get by with not cleaning up after himself and eating "like a pig". What a mess............
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:39 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Oh good gravy. It is NOT your fault! Has he always been this way or did it start after his father's passing?

    Maybe the threat will straighten him up. It breaks my heart you are forced into such a terrible spot! Hugs sweetie!
    PandaGwen

    Answer by PandaGwen at 7:42 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • For me personally I would not tell my son to leave while in school. He may be finding it very hard since his Dad passed. Sit down with him and tell him how stressed you are by his actions and lack of respect for your home. Give him a time frame to improve and tell him if he does not meet that he will have to leave.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 7:44 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

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