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Spinoff: So are we a product of our upbringing? Are our parents to blame if we turn out badly?

I think this is an interesting topic. At what point are kids considered grownups? Where does the parenting stop, if ever? What if you really try but your child just won't quit with drugs or get a job and pay for themselves? At what point do you say to hell with it? I think it goes without saying that we all love our children. Is there such a thing as a black sheep? How was it in your family?


Asked by jeanclaudia at 7:47 PM on Feb. 25, 2013 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • I believe that our family and friends are huge influences on how we turn out when we are older, but that is only influence...the child still has the choice of how they turn out. I don't think parenting ever stops and a child is a "grown-up" when they start acting like one. Drugs and sheer laziness are not acceptable...tough love should definitely start playing a part there.

    Yes, definitely such thing as a "black sheep" because I am one. I am so different from my parents and brother. Brother is a carbon copy of my Father and Mother goes along with them. The vast majority of their opinions and how they think and feel are polar opposites of my opinions and how I think and feel. I know they think I'm doing it on purpose just to throw a wrench into things, but I'm not...I just am different from them...and I thank God every day for it too!

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:39 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Nope- my parents were both good, strict, involved parents. I still made bad choices. Then I learned from the bad choices, & I grew up to act responsibly. My bff has 3 kids. Her 2 girls are turning out wonderfully. Her son on the other hand is a drop out & drug addict. It's so sad. But I know she did the best she could. His father on the other hand is another story. Then you have my children. My middle son has given me fits w/ certain behaviors & lack of concern for others but himself. I don't know where he gets that, except from his dad. (he passed, so I won't speak ill of the dead - but the stories I could tell!) I don't think it's just the nurture part that makes the person. There are other factors that make them who they are & make them act the way they do. We can only do our best & hope w/ maturity, they will finally get "it" & be successful.


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:58 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Yes and no. I think parents are a huge influence on children and who they become but ultimately each person is an individual and is responsible for their own choices, not to mention the other important influences one experiences during youth.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 7:49 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • If the parents give them all the tools to survive in the real world,and the kids still choose the wrong path for themselves,the parents are not at fault

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:50 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • How about this. My DD's both think I was not a good mom. To strict. But they grew up to be good adults. Never got/get into trouble.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:05 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Parents are a great influence, but at some point we have to take responsibility for our lives and stop blaming mommy and daddy for our misfortunes. My parents were by no means perfect, I disagree with many of their choices. But everything they did, they did it sincerely thinking it was best for me. But even if they had been awful, well, I'm an adult now, capable of finding my path in life.

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 8:50 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • Hard to say. I know a family with 6 children, the parents are delightful, and the children are great, but the 4th child ended up as a drug user in his teens. So I'd think the classmates and friends have a lot of influence.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:24 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • People CHOOSE how to act. Parents have nothing to do with how their child acts as an adult or even a teen. I grew up with a pretty shitty childhood. Yet i am the one kid out of 4 of us that has a job, a place of my own, a college education and a better life. My brothers pull that piss poor ts my parents fault card all the time but if I can make it thy could have.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:37 AM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • I think parents have an immense influence on their kids, and some parents make it more difficult than others for their kids to turn out well. But ultimately, it's up to an individual to choose her path in life, to either let obstacles defeat her or make her a better person. Nobody can do it for her, and all the excuses in the world won't cut it if she decides not to. Also, not choosing at all is still choosing.

    Answer by Ballad at 8:00 PM on Feb. 25, 2013

  • The parent is not responsible for what the adult child does, but the parent is responsible for how they deal with the consequences of what they do.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:50 PM on Feb. 25, 2013