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What is a good way to address stepchildren being disrespectful?

My SS6 is pretty high strung and is constantly getting into trouble at home and school. His teacher told us he is bright but wont mind. Today after DH told him to do his homework and walked away, SS6 threw his book and kind of startled me. I told him not to do that and he just gave me a dirty look. I asked him to answer me when I spoke to him and he rolled his eyes as he does a lot. I've had enough of this. Telling me he does that to everyone doesn't cut it with me. He also has a habit of putting his hands in his pants. I have three boys myself, and that has been something I dealt with but my kids stopped when I told them it was not polite. How can I help correct this behavior and get DH to let him know it's not acceptable?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Feb. 26, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I would tell him no one is allowed to talk to you in that manner, so he needs to leave the room until he can be respectful. Then hold to it even if you're eating dinner, watching tv, etc. let him know you only associate with polite, respectful people, and he needs to be one. Then go about your day, and send him out of the area no matter what you are doing when he gets rude. That's an acceptable boundary to set for yourself no matter who the other person is

    Answer by Nimue930 at 8:56 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • Are you and your DH the primary caregivers? In either case a sit-down with ALL adults in a parental role in his life to discuss disciplinary proceedures as well as routine structures (such as homework being done first when he gets home everyday).

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 8:32 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • If his dad isn't going to get on board with demanding his son treat you with respect, nothing that you do will really matter.

    Answer by missanc at 9:25 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • Address them the same as you would your bio children, afterall they became your children, when you decided to become a part of their lives. Also as a united front (you and your Husband), or it's never going to work.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:38 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • A little boy putting his hands in his pants may be normal but it's still impolite. I make my boys stop and go wash their hands if they do that.

    I agree with the answers given about sending him to his room or even taking way any and all privileges till you get respect and obedience. I'd bag up every toy, game, etc., till you see an improvement. Tell him you love him and his father too much to allow him to grow up being disrespectful and disobedient. His dad must be on the same page, too, and the two of you back each other up.

    Answer by HHx5 at 9:28 AM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • You need to let him know where you stand and that he needs to respect you and the rules of the home. Treat him as if he is your own child, not your step child. If he knows he can get away with stuff he will continue to push you to the limits. Let your husband know how yotolerateu feel and he needs to be helping you with this issue. If he continues to disrespect you start taking some of his privaliges away and make him earn them back. like tv, video games, phone, etc. I have a step daughter and I have went through all of this. but she knows now what I expect of her and not expect of her and also what I will tolorate. We get along perfect today. She is 22 now and she came into my life when she was 16. It is not going to be an over night fix but it is a start. Hope this helps.

    Answer by mfagnan at 9:37 AM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • Yes we are. His mother doesnt live in the same state and only randomly comes to town to see her kids. She isn't exactly a model of respectful behavior, either.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:45 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • Get Dh on board and treat him as you would your own.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 8:46 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • What doe your husband say about all of this? I agree; if he isn't supporting your efforts, you'll have a really hard time getting your stepson to do anything. But I also agree, you don't have to be spoken to disrespectfully. Send your stepson out of the room every single time he does it. My stepson called me a bad name once, and I made him sit out on the porch till his dad got home. Nobody calls me names in my house.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:46 PM on Feb. 26, 2013

  • You wanted him to answer you when you didn't ask him a question, you made a statement? I'd roll my eyes at you too. Listen to what you are expecting a little boy to do...hear a question and respond like he can read your mind? It sounds like you just have some issues with the little boy. I don't have stepsons but have plenty of grandsons. When they do something like stick their hands down their pants (which IS NORMAL) I simply tell them to go to their room and do that in private. In front of others isn't the appropriate place to do it. It's how some little boys calm themselves. It sounds like you are creating stress for him. Stop that and you'll get along fine with the boy. Quit being Cruella Deville to him

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Feb. 27, 2013

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