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I need advise about my daughters arguing all the time.

I have a 13 and a 11yr old. My problem is my 13yr old daughter seems to always give her sister a hard time about everything. And of course a big arguement starts and then sometimes comes the hitting. For example....My 11 yr old will be trying to tell her sister about her day or anything of that matter and all my 13yr old can do is put her down and just do anything possible just to aggravate her. Ugh this gets old after a while. Me and my husband have tried everything and can't seem to stop this behavier.

Answer Question

Asked by mfagnan at 2:51 PM on Feb. 27, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 7 (177 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Welcome to the preteen years where hormones begin surging and PMS never ends.
    Try to get them to do their own thing and interact as little as possible until their cycles start and you can map out their PMS attitudes better.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 2:57 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • I would draw the line at hitting, but girls and hormones are crazy people!

    Answer by jerseydiva at 2:59 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • separate them when you can...

    mine are 19 and 16 and cannot be in the same space most days for more than about 5 seconds before they start going at each other for one thing or another

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 3:04 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • I saw an idea on supernanny once about playing games, board games or any, in teams. The whole family plays and alternates who the teammates will be, having the kids be teammates once in awhile. Anything like his that requires two people to work together. It helps foster cooperation. I have also seen parents require the kids to write something positive about their sibling every week on a board. GL!

    Answer by silverthreads at 3:06 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • When my brother and sister and I were teens and would start to argue like that, my mom would make us stop and say ten nice things about each other, then and there. At first, we'd be saying through clenched teeth, "I like your tennis shoes." But by the time we had to think of ten things, we were usually saying, "I like having you as a sister" or "You're a smart big brother. I like how you help me with my math homework." It didn't last into adulthood; now we're estranged, but it might be worth trying. It brought us closer at the time.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:17 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • sisters, My sister and I fought like crazy. Just part of growing up. I never got along with her. But now we are great. I have two boys 15, 14 same thing they fight like crazy. Just have to let them work it out and step in if it becomes physical

    Answer by sally1973 at 5:21 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • PMS is rough at that age. They probably can't control things within. The 13 yr old needs help understanding why she's acting that way. Hormones can make them act crazy. I'd draw a line at the hitting though. Help her learn how to cope with what she's going through. It's the only way she will learn but keep reminding her, no hitting.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:36 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Check out the book Siblings Without Rivalry. (It's by the authors who wrote How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.) Some ways of responding to sibling conflicts tend to reinforce more of the same happening, because the response (typically punishment, consequences, negative parental reactions) generates more of the negative feelings that are driving the antagonism & conflict.
    The "How To Talk..." book is helpful too because it explores more helpful ways of responding to kids' upsets in the moment--such as responding to your younger daughter when she's starting to boil because her sister is putting her down. When you focus on punishing or making the "offender" stop, you set up a dependence on yourself as peacekeeper, judge & jury, and also cop/enforcer. This sets up the girls against each other & reinforces the adversarial relationship between them.
    Modeling conflict resolution in response doesn't do this.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:30 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

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