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3 Bumps

I'm getting so stressed because of separation with husband

I know it's best that we separated but just getting so stressed out because I feel bad for him but I can't go back and be miserable just to make him happy He not taking it well and I still worry about him. But he is the one that pushed me away

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sally1973

Asked by sally1973 at 8:17 PM on Feb. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Level 7 (197 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • hugs
    mamide02ninas

    Answer by mamide02ninas at 8:21 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • You need to focus on you, Do not look back is the best way to deal with it and learn something knew.
    sunshine196

    Answer by sunshine196 at 9:33 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • Do you know what happens if you jump in a swimming pool to try and save someone who is drowning?

    He'll take you down with him.

    You can't go back just because you feel sorry for him or he's struggling. It won't be good for either of you.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:32 PM on Feb. 27, 2013

  • You certainly shouldn't take him back because you feel sorry for him.If it was a case that you realised you were still in love with him and have figured out a way to make things work great.
    lovemybabies31

    Answer by lovemybabies31 at 2:12 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Sorry you're in this situation. I spent 21 years staying with my stbx because I felt sorry for him. NOT a good move. We have a great group on CM for women going through separation/divorce. PM me if you're interested in joining! It's a very, very supportive group. No bashing is tolerated.
    KPBMom

    Answer by KPBMom at 7:56 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Reframe the situation for him. Tell him to think of it as a vacation from each other. You'll still communicate with each other now and then. It sounds like he was hardset on an ideal he had in his head of how it was supposed to be. My brother acted the same when he broke up with his longtime gf. He couldn't deal with it, got depressed even though he dumped her. (Btw, this should assure you that the breakup was very much needed b/c it means he was in love with love and not with you) I was helping him throughout this but I had to take a step back and just let it sink in for him. People like this are co-dependent and need to learn to grow up and deal. If you think about it, does this show up in other ways? He can't cook, he can't clean, he constantly needs someone to hold his hand, etc? You're hurting him more by enabling this behavior. He needs to experience a loss and live thru it to gain resilience.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 9:13 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • I agree with Ballad. Keep moving forward. good luck.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

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