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3 Bumps

What the heck is he trying to accomplish with this type of crap?! Venting mostly. adult content

So it's been a while since DH and I had sex.. I was super pregnant and that eeks him out so bad he doesn't even want to hug me, and then I just had a baby, and now I just stopped bleeding. He has been saying we should have sex since before I stopped bleeding. I don't honestly feel like having sex, I'm up every 2 hours at night, I'm still only 5 weeks PP, but I said to him yesterday, that ok hunny I finally feel almost up to it.. but we'll have to take it slow to work up to it, start tonight with giving each other oil massages.

He said "No, I don't want to work up to it." I said "but I'm not feeling very sexual, and haven't for a while, I need to get myself worked up to full on sex again or it's not going to be so great." He said "Can't you just use a lot of lube? I'd be really fast anyway." I got irritated at this point and said "I want to enjoy it too! If we can't go slow, I don't know how we're going to end up having sex!" He then said "Well I'll just have to go find someone else to have sex with, then." And I got mad at him for saying that and he didn't even back down, he said "Everyone understands a man has needs." Then when I cried he asked why, I because you threatened to cheat on me 5 weeks after having a baby on my birthday.. and he said I misunderstood and twisted his words.

Like seriously?? Like seriously?!?! He thinks threatening me like that is going to get me to just throw off my panties and have sex with him? What a DICK! GAH!

Yeah, this makes me really horny. Not.

I'm going to make us go even slower, now.

I don't get why he thought that, that would work, though. I mean, threatening to bring some witch into our lives if I don't hurry up and screw him on his schedule is exactly what I needed to get into the mood.

And it was my BIRTHDAY.. I thought it'd end on such a nice note with us giving each other nice sensual oil massages with the promise of more in the next week, but NO. No, I got a refusal to participate, threats, and me in tears.

I think I have married king of the douches at times.

I guess the advice I wish for is : why the hell did he think that would work!? Like, what little rabbit running around in his head told him to threaten to cheat on me to get me to have sex with him faster after having a baby?!

Gah!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Feb. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Fuck him! You shouldn't be guilted into having sex with this asshole. Wait till your doctors give you the green light before you have sex. Buy him some lube and a playboy and tell him to have at it.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:30 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Is this your first baby? If so I might let him off as just being stupid, and not knowing what you're truly going through.... But, if it's not, and he's just being an insensitive ass then I wouldn't have sex with him ever again. He doesn't deserve you, and if he's serious about finding someone else, then he'd better pack a bag, and not come back.
    If this is your first baby together, you need to explain to him how painful sex could be for you. Make it as graphic as possible. If you had a c-section, tell him how you were cut open, and have to heal. Or if you had a vaginal delivery, then explain how much you had to stretch to push that baby through. Take him to your next OB appointment, and let the Dr explain how scary sex can be right after you have a baby. I'm sorry I don't have more. No matter what, there's no excuse for making you feel bad, so keep talking, and telling him how you feel. I'm sorry you're going through this.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:33 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Yeah, I'd tell him to find a new piece f ass while pushing him out the door. Then changing the locks as soon as he left.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 9:33 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Because men are retarded they dont take the time to think about what they are gonna say>>> and in some cases they just don't give a crap. They want what they want when they want it. And my dh says men that are happy at home don't stray so your not the only one.
    paigesmommy811

    Answer by paigesmommy811 at 9:35 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Here's what he's trying to accomplish: He wants you to know that he feels totally rejected because you are insisting on doing everything your way, which in truth, is no different than what he proposed to you. He needs sexual release("I'll be quick!). You don't need nor want that for yourself, so therefore, you don't want it for him either. If this is a first baby or not, he most likely feels like he has been replaced in your affections, and you are not doing anything to alleviate those feelings for him. If your doctor has released you to have marital relations, then I suggest you participate and do it willingly. My experience would tell me that you will enjoy it far more than you think you will. But whether or not you do, you should do it for the man you love and chose to be "the one" out of all the others. Happiness in marriage is much more about what you give than about what you get. This is your chance to give!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:45 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • this is beyond insensitive
    sounds more like an abusive control tactic

    has he ever been this completely void of empathy for you in the past
    or is this his first 100% selfish asshole move

    hugs for you
    zero excuses for him
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:50 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • It's not that I don't want to have sex with him!! It's that I don't want to just have sex. I was sexually abused for most of my childhood and I have an extremely tough time getting into the mood if I'm in a bad emotional state. He knows that, and has regretted pressuring me to have sex before.. so I don't get why he thinks that threatening me like that would make me have sex with him that would even remotely be bordering on good sex.

    It would be awful sex. It would be "she is doing this just to please me and her vag is dry without tons of lube".. perhaps cries in the middle of it.. sex. So, why he is after that type of sex?? I honestly hope he's not building a case in his own mind for why it'd be forgivable if he cheated on me. In no way am I fridgid due to my past, but I need more finessing and need to be in a good mental state.

    This whole encounter made me feel awful. I could barely sleep last night.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:53 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • "Happiness in marriage is much more about what you give than about what you get."   .


    The problem with that statement is that that is what leads a lot of women to stay with an abuser.   I know you meant it well, but I disagree.  My ex said that to me one time.   I told him to go ahead.    At that point, I realized, I was the one that was giving 100% and getting absolutely nothing in return from him.   That leaves a woman open to a feeling of worthlessness and craving of attention that she may just seek elsewhere.  IMO sex in a relationship is not as necessary as one may think.    Instead, I feel it's the respect, trust, love and solid foundation that is desireable.    I'd rather have a true best friend any day than just sex.

    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:54 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Then I must be a douche too. That actually sounds sort of like what I would think. I didn't expect to enjoy sex for the first time after giving birth either, but it's one thing that makes DH and I feel closer. If I was not in pain then I think I would want to just have that release, even if it was just him that got to orgasm. I'm usually pretty selfish that way, but things are stressful enough after having a baby that adding more on top that makes us feel more like roommates than partners isn't helpful for my relationship.

    That said, I would never dare suggest that if I don't get my way I will go find something somewhere else. That was wrong and he should say he is sorry for that. There really is no way to misunderstand that.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:54 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Oh come on. So you're suppose to give in to him fucking you (that's what it would be,since he doesn't plan on having you enjoy it) or else he'll go elsewhere??
    Oh the poor baby has had to resort to masturbation for awhile. Boo hoo. I REALLY hate when some men act like if they don't have sex,that it's equal to holding in a shit for a month...
    He is an ass. Does he think the stork dropped the baby off at your doorstep? I'm betting the doctor wouldn't even clear you for sex yet
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:00 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

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