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5 Bumps

How bad do you think I screwed up?

About a week ago (8 days ago to be precise) my husband and I were in a verbal argument. All three of my kids (who are 10, 8 and 5) were home. I was getting angry, so I decided to get up and leave the room before I did or said something I would regret later. My husband decided that he didn't want me to walk away, so he grabbed me around the waist just under my rib cage and started squeezing. I begged him to let go, and when he finally did (which he only did once I started gasping) he shoved me onto the couch. When I landed, I grabbed the phone and threatented to call the cops. He looked at our 10 yo son and said "Hope you are ready to see daddy in jail cause that is where mommy is going to put him." I didn't want to upset my son to much, so I just put the phone down, cooled my own temper down and went on with my life.
I have been in counseling for unrelated issues and I told my therapist about the incident. She ended up calling me yesterday to have me come in and make a saftey plan with her. She also called to report the incident. Now, we have DCS involved in our lives right now (again, for unrelated issue). I am now beginning to worry that saying something to the therapist will cause problems with the DCS case. My question is, do you think DCS will remove my kids because of this? I am terrified that I will get a knock on my door and they will tell me that I've lost my kids. Do you think this is possible?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Feb. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (29)
  • You need to leave NOW. He could hurt you even more next time or even harm the children. The only way CPS will take your kids if they were in danger.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:47 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • First, it's good that the therapist made a safety plan with you. He/she also did the right thing by reporting it to the proper authorities.

    If cps comes, it's because they fear the safety of your children. They will only take them from you if YOU do not cooperate. I've been through a similar issue and all they wanted was for me to keep my kids away from him. I moved out of state with my kids and cps closed the case immediately. As long as you do what they ask you will be fine. If they want you to separate from him temporarily until they believe his anger is controlled, then you must do so.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:48 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • now is the time to make decisions for better living environment for yourself and your child.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:53 AM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Seriously you screwed up when you put the phone down. You have now shown your son, that it is okay to verbally and physically abuse women.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:00 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • On a side note, it will NOT be me that will be leaving (if it comes to that). We live with my uncle and this house is in his and my (now deceased) dad's name. If anyone has to go, it will be him, even if I have to get the cops involved to get him out.
    I guess alot of what I am feeling is frustration with myself for letting things go this far. We have been married for over ten years and this is far from the first time he has done this, but it has seemed to get alot worse since my dad passed a little over a month ago. I am here all the time giving other women advice to leave men that do this same type of thing to them, but I can't seem to follow the advice myself. SMH.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:02 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • I don't know how badly you have "screwed up." What I do know is that your family needs help. My husband and I have been married more than 48 years, and when he was a young man, he had a pretty severe problem with anger. I married him knowing that he had the problem. I also tell you ashamedly that I knew exactly how to trigger his anger and I could pretty much get him to do anything I wanted him to do if I pushed him hard enough. I knew which topics I could bring up and how to couch them so as to evoke the worst reaction from him. I think there are many women who are like I was. The difference between today and then is that then we didn't have CPS and all the other places to use as threats. Thankfully, we did find help--he to control his anger and I to stop acting wrongly toward him. There are 2 sides to every story, and neither of them is usually very pretty. Y'all both need some help, and I hope you find it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:05 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Time to change the locks pack his shit up and tell him to find another place to live. You stated it's getting worse, maybe next time he will leave a bruise a broken bone. Do it NOW don't wait. M-vai is right you just showed your son its okay to be verbally and physically abusive to people.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:06 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • blaming a woman by saying "she knows how to push buttons" of an abusive man


    slap


     

    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:08 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • 10 years and the first time he has ever done anything like this? I would not be as quick to leave, have you talked about the situation? What bother's me more than him pushing you is what he said to your 10 year old. The therapist did the right thing, and I would think that all of you need some counseling. You didn't screw up, he did, but you need to get to the bottom of why he is so angry!
    Now if even ONE time prior to him doing this, he had touched you, he would be gone!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:25 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • This definately is not the first time something like this has happened. He's held me down, pushed me and I have even been slapped a couple times. I have also began to notice that most of the friends I used to have I don't have anymore because he convinced me one way or another that they were "bad" for me. Slowly, I am beginning to realize that he is a bit more abusive then I ever thought he was. Just working on how to get him out.
    -Ashley
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

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