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5 Bumps

How do you know when a spouse is being manipulative and when he is sincerely just trying to work things out?

My husband and I have been separated for the past two months. Up until recently he hated my guts and we were ready to sign the divorce papers. He even threatened to take my children away. Now all of a sudden he wants to work things out. I started going to a church a few weeks ago and he's always hated the church my mom goes to. Now all of a sudden he's going and even accepted Christ as his savior the first time he came back. Something I haven't done yet, btw.

He's really trying to work things out, but sometimes I wonder if going to church is just another aspect of my life he's using to control my choices and make me come back. I'm back in his house for the first time in two months and I'm already starting to feel suffocated. I don't want to work on this marriage. I want to move on. I tried to tell him that yesterday but all he did was quote what the pastor said back to me. Telling me it's just my fear talking. It's not my fear. I feel it in my gut that this isn't right. Help!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Feb. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • if u dont feel good there leave. your gut is saying go.. follow it. sounds like your suffocating urself by choosing to move back in against your better judgment... let him go to ur church if thats wat he wants.. doesnt mean u need to go back to him..

    Answer by nnh_mama at 10:28 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Listen to your gut. Accepting Christ isn't something someone does on a whim. I'm not saying it wasn't sincere, but it seems circumspect, I know my ex used the church to manipulate me. But I want to make clear - it was not Biblical teaching, it was his twisted interpretation of it.
    I would separate and go to counseling. That way you have a 3rd party looking at the situation and may help you see it more clearly. Good luck!

    Answer by missanc at 10:29 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • I agree to listen to your gut. God will lead him to the woman who is right for him. It's time for you to find a man right for you as well.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:31 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Sometimes we don't want to hear what our guts tell us. I'm in that same boat yet again, and it's leaking as badly as ever. But if you already feel suffocated, get out while you can still breathe.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:47 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Get out he has found a way to manipulate you and he knows. He sounds like an abuser cutting everything off using your own friends and people to manipulate you run!!!!

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:55 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • So he's trying to tell you that your feelings are WRONG? Yep. That's being controlling. Get out while you can.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:25 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • Your gut is right. Go sign those papers.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:28 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • my guess is he was cheating and it didn't work out.

    Answer by staciandababy at 11:38 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • I don't know the whole story, but based on what is on this particular question, I would try to work things out. Is he really trying to manipulate you or did he realize that he doesn't want to live without you?

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:44 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

  • I don't know. He could be sincere, but the way he's using the pastors words against me when I tell him my concerns about getting back together, it's almost like he's trying to control my choices.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2013

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