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2 Bumps

More About the Anxious Boyfriend

Okay, I'm going Anon only because thi is personal, no other reason. I posted once before about a boyfriend who has extreme anxiety.

Well, the panic attacks have gotten worse. Sometimes I'm up half the night trying to calm him down, and then I still have to work and be a mom all day. So I'm exhausted. Last night it was from two to four in the morning, then he was hard as hell to get off to work, still freaking out.

The thing is, I told him I couldn't live this way anymore, and that if he wanted us to be together, he had to get help. Starting with a regular doctor and a physical, just to rule out anything, and then probably a psychologist who can give meds and a therapist. I said the way things are is harming the family because we all walk on eggshells, and it's no way for kids to grow up.

So now he says he wants to be with me, no matter what.
He doesn't think he needs help, though. He says he'll talk to whatever doctor I want him to because he doesn't want to leave, but for no other reason than that. So I'm thinking, will it work if that's the only reason he's talking to a doctor? Isn't it pointless then, if he doesn't think there's a problem except I'm making demands on him that he doesn't like and if I would just stop, it would be okay? Should I make an appointment for him and see how it goes?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Mar. 1, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Seeing a doctor probably won't help if he doesn't admit there's a problem. But if he's willing to go, make him go. See if he'll let you go with him, so YOU can tell the doctor what you see. That way, if he tries to downplay it and pretend like it's not that bad, the doctor will hear from someone else how it's affecting the family and maybe be less inclined to just take his word that "it's not that bad."

    If he doesn't see that doctor, or the doctor tells him what to do to resolve this and he doesn't do it, then you need to end the relationship. Whether you end if for good or until he can prove to you he's serious about treatment is up to you.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:50 AM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Getting help is a requirement for you to stay together. So get him in front of a doctor. If he doesn't follow through on the recommended course of treatment, you're done. But if he follows through, then the anxiety problem gets resolved.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:12 AM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • PM me.

    Answer by feralxat at 1:31 AM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • I agree with wendy. Make the doc appointment for him, and GO IN WITH HIM!
    Tell the doctor what you see.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:24 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Tell him of the incentives to go. 1) Medication that can let him live a normal life 2) He may qualify for social security disability income for a mental disorder 3) The condition may affect other parts of his body that if left untreated may mean a shorter life 4) It is proof to you that he is willing to do anything for you 5) It can be cured and who wants to live like that if it can be cured?

    Everytime he goes, praise him for going, point out how nothing bad happened to him when he went and give him encouragement to continue going. Reward him with ice cream or some kind of treat even so that he associates going with good things.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2013