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4 Bumps

To tell or not to tell?

Ok to make a long story sorta shorter: I met my once best friend, we'll call her Jane, in high school and we were like sisters. Thats how she met my brother, they dated off and on throughout high school. I got married when I was 21 to a guy that Jane introduced to me we'll call him Bob; and after 4 years of marriage Bob confesses to me that he had sex with Jane numerous times during our marriage while Jane was dating my brother. (Note: Bob was in the military and actually used some of his leave time to see Jane, not me) Bob was unwilling to work it out with me through counseling, he thought I should just get over it because he "promised" he wouldn't do it anymore, so I asked for a divorce. Now, at the time that Bob confessed, it was 2 weeks AFTER my brother proposed to Jane. I was torn wether or not to tell my brother so I talked with Jane and she confessed to me that it was all true. I told her she needed to tell my brother and that if she didn't I would. Well, she didn't say anything so I did. Upon my brother hearing this he did the normal thing, he went and told her to tell him the truth. She DENIES IT! Even though everyone knows that I'm DIVORCING my husband over this, she denies it. But then my brother BELIEVES her and won't forgive me.

Now, fast forward about 4 years and I still don't have a great relationship with my brother but we get along as well as we can. My brother and Jane did get married so now I have her for a SIL. Awkward doesn't even begin to discribe it.

Finally, here's my question to you guys: I have found out that she is friends with and talks with my ex Bob on a regular basis on Facebook but hides it from my brother. Should I risk saying something again or do I leave it alone? I don't want to be a homewrecker but I also don't want Jane doing this to my brother.

I'm at a loss........ WWYD?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Mar. 1, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • As much as I wish I could say tell him, I wouldn't bother. He didn't believe you the first time, he's not going to believe you now. He's had four more years to become convinced she can do no wrong, and you've already got a "strike" against you for the first time you tried to save him. It's going to suck for him, but let him face the heartache on his own. He'll find out what she's up to. Cheaters can only hide it for so long and so well before they slip up and get caught. Or he already knows, and just refuses to admit it. Either way, you're better off just letting him deal with it, without your involvement.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:52 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Honestly, I'd stay out of it, he didn't believe you the first time (which he should've) which caused a strain on your relationship so, chances are, he won't believe it this time & will think you're just trying to mess up his marriage. Hopefully, she'll screw up soon on her own & get caught.

    Answer by 3libras at 5:42 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Honestly he doesn't want to hear it I would just leave it alone. While he has the right to know he is just going to think you are upset things didn't work out between you two. If you have real solid proof that she is cheating maybe, but if you don't have any proof all you are going to do is damage your relationship further.

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 5:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • He did not believe you the first time. This would make your relationship great if she would admit it . I would do whatever allows you to sleep at night but be ready for the backlash.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Leave it alone. You told him about her history, if he didn't pay attention then he is being willfully ignorant and it will just further divide you from your brother. Give here enough rope to hang herself.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 5:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Once bitten, twice shy. I would say nothing. You tried to save your brother some heartache four years ago, and he didn't believe you. At this point, to try again with the "same old schtick" just looks like you trying, yet again, to discredit this woman.

    It sucks. I get that. I also get that you want to help and protect your brother. Sadly, there really isn't much you can do right now except sit back and wait for the nuclear explosion.

    Good luck! and (((((hugs)))))

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:45 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • can you do a screenshot of her friends list,print it out and send it to him? Maybe he'd get curious and do some digging

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • do not tell him
    show him
    bust that skanky hole

    yeah what butterfly says....

    can you do a screenshot of her friends list,print it out and send it to him? Maybe he'd get curious and do some digging
    Answer by butterflyblue19

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • What a cluster Fukuoka! Screw their life.

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:20 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • I wouldn't talk to the SIL, she is dishonest anyway. I probably wouldn't tell, since they are already married. It's a dilemma, whatever you decide it's on her not you.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 1, 2013