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Am i doing this right?

when my 17 month old daughter does something wrong, like standing on the furniture or slapping us in face i put her in a time out for one minute, and get down to her level and tell her what she did wrong, and then when she gets out i tell her i love her please dont do it again... is this too strict for her? id rather do that compared to what my husband does he just yells at her very loud and i feel like that doesn't do anything except make her upset...

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Asked by firsttimemom733 at 8:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2013 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 12 (762 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • if time out works for her then -yeah, sounds fine

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:53 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Time out is good,but don't try explaining anything. You just say no hitting and sit her down

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:56 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Keep your explanations very short at that age. "We don't hit." "Furniture is for sitting on."

    Answer by Ballad at 10:32 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • That sounds like a great approach. Yelling only makes them upset, and usually it only makes the situation worse. Time out isn't too strict for that age. We do that for our 14 month old, when he slaps me, I say "No we don't hit" and he gets put in his crib for a few minutes. It calms him down and when I go get him and he is attitude is much better.

    Answer by AF4life at 11:20 PM on Mar. 1, 2013

  • Get your husband on board with this too. You need to have a unified approach to handling these situations. Stay calm and matter of fact. Good job, mom!

    Answer by silverthreads at 6:46 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • Also wanted to say that if time out works for her it will become a great tool for you. The child I care for hates time outs and it only needs to be mentioned for him to comply with my request. He is very well behaved and it is rare I need ask him if he wants a time out, but he hates it.. Mention the words "time out" when you do it so she comes to know the words and then when you mention it as she gets older she knows the term. Eventually, as she gets a little older, you should be able to ask "do you need a time out?" or "if you want to do that you will have a time out".

    Answer by silverthreads at 6:57 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I think you are probably "doing" time out right. Time out is a punishment and you may want to reconsider that strategy for her behaviors at this age. You may be able to effectively redirect her & engage her cooperation without assuming that it requires negativity or punishment at all.
    If you don't want her to stand on the furniture for whatever reason (to keep upholstered furniture nice, to avoid falls from precarious places that are high or over hard surfaces, so that she learns a standard & doesn't do certain things, etc.) you could respond to her in a way that shows understanding for the fun/challenge she's seeking (in other words, a way that recognizes her "goal" in the behavior) & then redirect her to another way of doing that. Engage her in something you consider appropriate or acceptable that meets the same need.
    The approach would be to respond to the total situation, not just the behavior. Why did she slap? Respond.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:30 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • If your focus is on punishing in order to stop the behavior, you are missing the piece of guiding her toward what TO do at those times. When you recognize the context for the behavior, you are more able to respond to the total situation, which models positive alternatives of behavior (rather than focusing on forcing behaviors to stop.) I see it as: at 17 months, you have an opportunity to build connection rather than create frustration in her with your responses.
    With the hitting, that would translate to stopping or preventing the behavior when it happens (if necessary--a single slap you just respond to, but if she's winding up to do it again & again, you prevent those subsequent slaps), and responding to the situation as a whole by recognizing the feelings that drove it. If she was obviously annoyed or upset about something you just did, you verbalize those (you're modeling.) If it was playful, you show her how she CAN play.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:39 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • keep it short

    Answer by san78 at 4:34 PM on Mar. 3, 2013

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