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I am the mom of a 13 year old girl who was just devastated to find out that she hadn't been included in an after party of a party before a school dance. Would you say anything to the mom?

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Asked by lindamac1210 at 3:02 AM on Mar. 2, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I have been the person invited because the parent said so, no do not say a word its hard but it only make it worse if you say something.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I'd leave it alone at 13 it's time to learn to fight their own battles a little. There will be TONS of parties in her life, Not being invited to one isn't a big deal. If you get into it with the mom, then she will ONLY be invited because you said something. And then the kids will pick on her and only get worse when at school. Leave it alone, and just tell your DD that it is okay there will be other parties. Lesson learned, and she will Know who her real friends are. (or at least start to see) If she isn't want by some..There are more out there who do want her around.

    Answer by Novmeber2006 at 11:13 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • Since it doesn't change anything, NO...
    Nothing is gained. Next time there is an occasion like this, have her organize her own party. Sometimes "clicks" are not the best people to hang around with.
    As much as it hurt her, she will grow from it. I would however prepare her to voice her opinion about it directly if the chance comes up. If this girl who hosted it starts talking to her, have her make a casual, monitone, sarcastic comment, "yeah, thanks for inviting me to your party". It will possibly give this girl a chance to appologize and if not she will know that this girl is not worth her time. Keep your daughter busy in new things that she loves and she will find some great friends along the way. Hugs ~!!!!

    Answer by LeJane at 10:24 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • No. You can't force your child on anyone. Instead, this is an opportunity for you to explain to your child that not everyone will always like him or her. This is when you can explain to her that she still can hold her head high and be proud of whom she is because she is a great, awesome person. This is a learning experience.... don't sympathize with her.

    Answer by m-avi at 10:21 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I agreee that tallking to the mom is NOT a good idea. Our kids have to learn to face disappointment and deal with it. I do not think you should make plans and have her say she was already busy, its a lie. And I do not agree with taking her somewhere or buying her something to make up for it. that only teaches her that if she is disapppointed she can can have something etc. She has to learn to make it in the world on her own, this is a hard lesson to see our kids learn and yes it hurts but you are not entitled to gifts or plans to make up for things as you get older. She will be home, carry on just as you would have had there been no party. Hug her tell you are sorry and let her process it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I wouldn't. What would be the point? At best, the other girl is forced by her mother to invite your daughter, and then your daughter will be humiliated by being ignored all night and hearing that she's only there because your mom got her mom to invite your daughter.

    Not everyone is your friend in life. Not every person that throws a party will invite you. Not everyone you meet will like you. As painful as it is, those are lessons we've all had to learn. Now it's your daughter's turn to start learning those lessons. Just be there for her, let her express her pain and disappointment and find something to do during the time of the party so that she doesn't sit around dwelling on it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:22 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I'd have a party myself & invite the kids that also weren't invited to the other party. Make it better even.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 8:43 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I'd make plans for that time and if anyone asks her if she was invited she can simply say "I couldn't go, my mom made other plans at the time of the party". It won't make her feel less rejected by the party giver but she can save face. I had a party at that age one time and no one showed up!!!! I was devastated and cried like a baby but my mom dried my eyes and told me to go to school Monday and tell people it was the best party ever. Since no one knew no one showed up, no one would know I was exaggerating! Have a great day with her on party day and give her a hug. Sadly this is just another cruel part of growing up.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:15 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • There will be many times in her life where she is left out, ignored or skipped over. This is a wonderful teaching opportunity for you, Mom. You can tell her this fact of life, and you can go on to tell her this is why we can't base our happiness on always being included or on what others think about us or whether everyone likes us all the time. Explain to her that happiness comes from within and from being satisfied with that person who is living in there. Even if no one else likes her, and she likes herself, she is a winner!

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:54 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • That is a hard thing.
    I don't know your situation (in terms of your relationship/closeness with the other family) but I would not say anything to the mom.
    Would you be doing that in response to your daughter being upset? As if some action needs to be taken in response to this devastation? (To fix it?)
    That is why I wouldn't speak to the mom; because the situation isn't really one that needs fixing.
    She is going through some hard feelings (and the thoughts--doubts & fears--that drive painful feelings), and feelings need feeling, not fixing. Seeing her through it (in contrast to shielding or distracting her from it) would be my goal. It might involve feeling my own hard feelings! And noticing many impulses to step in & relieve her suffering.
    I think your discomfort at seeing her so hurt makes total sense. Hang in there!
    I would NOT tell her that life isn't fair; I'd focus on hearing & understanding her pain. Being there for her.

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:52 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

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