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I am the mom of a 13 year old girl who was just devastated to find out that she hadn't been included in an after party of a party before a school dance. Would you say anything to the mom?

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lindamac1210

Asked by lindamac1210 at 3:02 AM on Mar. 2, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Can't you just hear the teasing? "She's only here cause my mom said I had to invite her!"
    She'd be sitting in the corner alone.
    Life isn't fair. We all don't get invited to the party, no one really gets a trophy for just showing up, and your boss doesn't pay you on the back and say "good job" everyday.

    Let her have another friend sleep over or something.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:59 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • You know if you force your DD on this party. As in talking to the mom and getting her invited with out the kid wanting her their. It wont go over very will. IMO I always think like this, "If you do not want me their, I do not want to be their".
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:45 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • No, this is part of growing up. It's sad and unfortunate. Pushing your DD into this party won't be good for her either.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:29 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • Although it would break my heart to see my daughter devastated like that, it is a part of life. Life isn't fair and she will be left out of things many times in the span of her life. It isn't something that she can feel it is okay to get confrontational about it. Work on helping her feel better...take her out or let her have a friend over.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 7:07 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • There will be many times in her life where she is left out, ignored or skipped over. This is a wonderful teaching opportunity for you, Mom. You can tell her this fact of life, and you can go on to tell her this is why we can't base our happiness on always being included or on what others think about us or whether everyone likes us all the time. Explain to her that happiness comes from within and from being satisfied with that person who is living in there. Even if no one else likes her, and she likes herself, she is a winner!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:54 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I agreee that tallking to the mom is NOT a good idea. Our kids have to learn to face disappointment and deal with it. I do not think you should make plans and have her say she was already busy, its a lie. And I do not agree with taking her somewhere or buying her something to make up for it. that only teaches her that if she is disapppointed she can can have something etc. She has to learn to make it in the world on her own, this is a hard lesson to see our kids learn and yes it hurts but you are not entitled to gifts or plans to make up for things as you get older. She will be home, carry on just as you would have had there been no party. Hug her tell you are sorry and let her process it.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • No. You can't force your child on anyone. Instead, this is an opportunity for you to explain to your child that not everyone will always like him or her. This is when you can explain to her that she still can hold her head high and be proud of whom she is because she is a great, awesome person. This is a learning experience.... don't sympathize with her.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:21 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • Sadly, I agree with theses moms. It would be very awkward for her now if she was included because you spoke to the mom.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 6:29 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • That is a hard thing.
    I don't know your situation (in terms of your relationship/closeness with the other family) but I would not say anything to the mom.
    Would you be doing that in response to your daughter being upset? As if some action needs to be taken in response to this devastation? (To fix it?)
    That is why I wouldn't speak to the mom; because the situation isn't really one that needs fixing.
    She is going through some hard feelings (and the thoughts--doubts & fears--that drive painful feelings), and feelings need feeling, not fixing. Seeing her through it (in contrast to shielding or distracting her from it) would be my goal. It might involve feeling my own hard feelings! And noticing many impulses to step in & relieve her suffering.
    I think your discomfort at seeing her so hurt makes total sense. Hang in there!
    I would NOT tell her that life isn't fair; I'd focus on hearing & understanding her pain. Being there for her.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:52 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

  • I'd make plans for that time and if anyone asks her if she was invited she can simply say "I couldn't go, my mom made other plans at the time of the party". It won't make her feel less rejected by the party giver but she can save face. I had a party at that age one time and no one showed up!!!! I was devastated and cried like a baby but my mom dried my eyes and told me to go to school Monday and tell people it was the best party ever. Since no one knew no one showed up, no one would know I was exaggerating! Have a great day with her on party day and give her a hug. Sadly this is just another cruel part of growing up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:15 AM on Mar. 2, 2013

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