Please read and try to really understand this..
I have been with my husband since I was 18, he was 24., we dated for a yr., got an apartment together, split cause he wanted kids and I didnt. got back together cause as much as I din't want to be with him, it drove me nuts that he might move on. we got engaged and married by 5ys. bought a hour, first year married we battled, I fell for somoene else, a past "love", we almost divorced, I begged my way back in, we then were "ok" for a while, met friends from my work who we had a couples swingers session with, then another girl we had as a girlfriend with for a while, then he changed his tune on what was ok and it was on his terms and his mood what was ok or not. it became toxic.. we nipped it right there. became strictly US again.. things were smooth for 2 years. I thought we were "normal" now. we got pregnant now being together 11 years. had a VERY difficult colicky allergy filled crying constant inbetween colic spurts child who never slept by the way.. we then started fighting more than ever, he has fought me every step of the way, the organic foods, the I don't want him around BPA filled products, my burts bee's and california expensive products etc.. then changing daycares because he was emotionally shutting down, then he was behind on motor skills so he needed OT.. ( he's still behind but just below average at5 again) he isn't coordinated at sports or right now karate so he is SO mad at our son when it's not his fault, we can't agree on discipline - we NEVER fight in front of him or even really fight at all, but over this past year, we've moved and switched daycares, i thought this would be hardest on our son, but it's my husband who's changed. this past 18 months its like our life is a horrible extreme roller coaster.. I dont know who he is from day to day. we are good, we are bad, he's SO mad, so crabby, so hard on our son yelling etc. just miserable. I got him to seek counseling, within 4 sessions he said his counsoler said he didn't need to go back, meaning he's lying to her. I swear he has bipolar or something. he threw me around this summer, I forgave him, he punched our door frame and grabbed me, I forgave him, he last weel said he wanted a divocre, next day telling me he doesn't know where it came from , his voices in his own personal head of negativity tell him I hate him and dont love him, I forgave him ( mind you this is after hours of apologies) I am numb at this point.. I am here for my son. NOW. I am and never have been one to say "we are together for the kids: but.. we have a 5 year old who is the most sensitive child, he LOVES me, no is IN LOVE with me. and I honestly can't live without this child day to day. I know most kids or families will say the kids/paretns will get over it.. we are NOT a hostile environment, we still always hug and thank each other and say I love you etc.. but I fear I am not in love and only staying for my child, the fact is I HATE it but can't do anything about it. I love my house, I love my security, I love my life except I'm not IN love with my husband anymore... whats a girl to do
Answer by booklover545 at 7:32 PM on Mar. 4, 2013
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