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2 Bumps

How do I deal with my husband spending money on 'wants' when we have 'needs'?

After my father-in-law passed away in May of 2012, my husband told me he wanted to move from Texas to MO. We were planning to do that " someday soon" but he felt he needed to be near his Mom so I agreed to pack up our house ( in one month, by myself) along with our two children and dog and move. We are staying in his moms guesthouse while we build ours. We actually stopped building it due to lack of regular income but he just recently found a decent job so our plan is to begin building again in Spring. He informed me last night that he is going to buy himself a motorcycle. For no reason other than he wants it. A used one. I'm furious. Our goal is to get out of this 700 sq. ft. House that is not ours, and get into our own home. We have plans for a farm. How does he justify spending this money? Why is he doing this? I don't expect you ladies to know his mind, but am I way off base to think he is just not satisfied with his(our) life?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Mar. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • I would ask him to wait till the house is built.
    I am not saying get one but it may be good to have one. It will save on lots of gas but they probably isn't the reason why he wants it.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:30 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • Until his family is in a proper home it is not ok for him to get a motorcycle for the hell of it.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 10:30 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I would say let his needs wither away first.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:34 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • LostSoul88 he received a company vehicle and he made the point of telling me that it is not about fuel economy.
    I'm completely confused. We are living where we wanted to live. Building a house he deigned ( with my input) and everything is going pretty well. When I questioned him buying it now instead of after we were in our home he got mad. Weeks ago when he started checking Craiglist and eBay motors I told him I didn't like the idea of him on a bike on the roads where we live. Very bad two lane mountainous curvy roads. Lots of accidents. He blew off my concerns. When I speak of getting a car for fuel economy though, he is adament that the kids and I are safer in our big truck! WTH?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • mid life crisis?

    Answer by tessiedawg at 10:53 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I think tessie might be right. The loss of his father, the move and building a house. All of those stresses can bring on a personal crisis by themselves, but added together can be the perfect storm.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:07 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I admit I think mid life crisis has come to mind for me as well. Doesn't give me any answers though. Married 11 years and I feel like I don't know who he is right now :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:10 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • Isn't the weather too bad in MO to be riding a motorcycle? Maybe he can be talked into waiting until later when he could actually ride it (and the house is done)

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:27 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I had to read this a couple of times then reread the title. Not being mean but shouldn't this be re-titled? It sounds like there is no "need" there if you are living in a house now. It sounds like it's your Want vs his Want. Just talk with him. I'm sure you both are old enough to know how to compromise. Unless he is thinking of leaving you and the motorcycle is his way of telling you that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • He is being completely unreasonable. He says if he funds a good deal he will buy one now. My point is all monies should go to our house. We have a project that needs finishing. Our gurus went from having their own rooms to being jammed into on small room and sharing a double bed. If only fir their sake he should control himself. I'm just furious. Can you tell? Lol. Seriously though, what makes a grown man suddenly act like this???

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:31 AM on Mar. 4, 2013

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