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What do I do with my 5 year old???

My son is 5 and started school this year. At the beginning of the school year he was great! Was the smartest kid in class, well behaved, well mannered, did all his work, etc. He's also always been very honest, whether it got himself in trouble or not, he would always tell the truth. Here recently his whole attitude has just changed. He no longer does his work in school, he'll just sit there and not do anything. He gets in trouble everyday for playing and not following directions. A few weeks ago he was written up and sent to the VP for pulling his pants down in class! When I talked to him about it, he told me that a couple of kids in his class told him to and said that if he didn't they wouldn't be his friends anymore. I explained to him that it's not appropriate and they're not good friends to have if they tell him to do things like that. He said he understood and apologized. At home he has gotten such an attitude and doesn't mind and is getting worse at school. Today when I took him to school the teacher told me that on Friday he was sent to the office again because he had looked up a girls dress in music!! I asked him why he would do that and why he didn't tell me and he says he doesn't remember doing that. I asked him how he couldn't remember and why did he think they sent him to the office and he says he didn't know and asked them why he had to go to the office and they didn't tell him. The little girl in question has been stopped several times from raising up her dresses and skirts and trying to get people to look. But Friday she told the teacher that my son looked and she didn't do anything. I'm lost!! I don't know what to do. I don't want to believe my son did this and kinda believe him when he says he doesn't remember doing it at all. The girl was never sent to the office before for pulling up her clothes and it was never written up so there is no record of it happening, But with him already being written up for pulling his pants down, I'm sure they're not going to be on the same page as me. I just don't know what to do!! It's just me. I have raised my son without his father since he was born and his father has never been a part of his life. I've tried to handle these things the best way I know how, but it's not working. He doesn't watch anything mature on tv and I have recently stopped him from watching anything but educational television if he gets tv at all. Why has he changed so much? Why is he not doing his work in school? Why is he acting out this way?? I just don't know!! I'm concerned that something is going on at school that he hasn't told me about and maybe that's what's making him do these things. I just want my son to be like he was. Any advice??

 
Mom2Dano

Asked by Mom2Dano at 11:54 AM on Mar. 4, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 18 (5,299 Credits)
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Answers (4)
  • The one thing I notice throughout all this is you never say he's started lying to you. He's getting in trouble, but he's still being honest about it? If that's the case, then I would go into the school and back him up. Explain that he's always been honest with you, even when it gets him in trouble, and that he's adamant that he didn't look up this girl's dress, but that she DOES have a history of trying to lift it. Ask for further investigation into what happened, and if they refuse, then I'd demand that something be done to keep my son and that girl apart to prevent this happening again.

    As far as all the rest, you just have to keep talking to him and telling him it's wrong, why it's wrong, and discipline him for his behavior. Ask him why he does it. Ask him if there's anything on his mind, anything he wants to talk to you about. Keep communication open and make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:45 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • Every School has a Child Psychologist working there. I am absolutely NOT saying that there is anything wrong with your son at all. He's just exploring his new world. BUT he doesn't know the limitations of it. So, call the Psychologist & sit down with them or talk to them on the phone & voice your concerns just like you did here. They will give you pointers on how to handle his behavior & maybe even talk to him. That's what they are there for. He's only 5 & want's to be accepted. He sees other kids doing silly things & want's to try them too. It's innocent but not acceptable. he'll get through this stage eventually. GL & hang in there :)

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • There could be all kinds of explanations as to why he is behaving this way. Think about this: The girl pulls her dress up and gets away with it. He pulls his pants down and he gets in trouble. Both most likely did it to get attention. It sounds like he is getting more attention for misbehaving than he got for being "a good little boy." So if it's attention he craves, in his mind he is winning. I don't know how many males are involved in the school system, but that could also be a part of the equation. I would try to find a positive male influence who would be willing to spend time with your son, teaching him what it means to be a man. Many cities have mentoring programs and some of the churches in our area have men who are willing to take on this assignment.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • True. As far as I know he hasn't started lying. He has however neglected to tell me things, but when I ask he does finally tell me. I've asked him several times if there was anything he wanted to talk about or any problems he was having at school. The only thing he would say was that some of the kids were mean to him and made fun of him. What's a big deal for me is that one of the little boys told my son that he couldn't play with him because my son was white. Although the little boy who said it is mixed with white and black. My son is the only white child in his class and 1 of 2 in the entire kinder grade. I'm scared that this may be the problem but he hasn't said anything to me about it besides the one time. My son has always been a very modest boy and won't even change clothes with his door open so this is all very out of the ordinary for him. I've brought it up to the school before and they keep pushing it off.
    Mom2Dano

    Comment by Mom2Dano (original poster) at 1:17 PM on Mar. 4, 2013