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6 Bumps

Disturbing situation--what should I do?

I'm not a troll. This is a real situation, but personal.

My daughter and I were at a social gathering over the weekend where there were a lot of moms and kids. I was busy and didn't witnes anything for myself. But two other women who were there told me this one mom who kept playing with her daughter's bottom while the little girl, who is seven, was sitting on her lap. They said the little girl was grabbing the mom's breasts. One of them said the little girl told her, "My daddy gets really happy when I open my crack."

What should I do? I didn't see anything or hear anything, but this is obviously disturbing. The other moms were warning me not to let my daughter go to this woman's house or play unsupervised with her kid, which makes sense. But beyond that, I'm not sure what course of action, if any, I should take.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Mar. 4, 2013 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Do you know who the mother and child are? If you know who they are, I would report it. I would explain that you didn't hear anything directly, but that because this was told to you, you are very concerned about the welfare of this child. Then it's up to CPS. They may choose not to do anything since you're relating what someone else told you, but they might at least look into it. Either way, that's really all you can do unless you want to approach the family directly and ask them flat out if they're molesting their kid, which I would not recommend.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:24 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I'm not sure that there is anything you CAN do. Since you didn't see or hear anything for yourself you're not really in a place to take anyone's word for it, it's just hear/say as of now. I would definitely not let my child go to their house or play unsupervised with the child just as a precaution. But keep your eyes and ears alert if you are ever around this family again. And if by chance you do see or hear anything for yourself talk to the appropriate officials to do an investigation. Also, if the other parents did witness this and have known for a while, why haven't they stepped in and done something. It's a difficult situation that needs to be handled carefully. I'm not sure what else can be done right now, but I gave this a bump so maybe someone will have better advice.Good Luck

    Answer by Mom2Dano at 1:29 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • Unless I observe something directly, I'm not going to assume the worst based on rumors. What exactly did they mean by "playing with her bottom"? Was she checking or adjusting the girl's pants because of fit/comfort issues? Or was she just kind of holding the girl's hips to keep a squirmy child on her lap and would occasionally give playful, friendly pats? Does the mom have a baby at home who she is breastfeeding, and maybe the 7 year old is a little jealous of the attention and needs to learn that it's not okay to grab mom's breasts in public? Regarding Daddy and her crack, any chance it could refer to how they make a lot of farting jokes at home? Maybe there is something horrible going on in this family, and maybe there are just a lot of uptight moms who are taking things completely out of context. I would 1) definitely not leave my child alone with anyone who I have any questions about, but also 2) watch to see for myself.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 2:14 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • That's like the game "Telephone". Probably got distorted & embellished along the way. Maybe she really meant that her Dad laughs at heiney crack. Just don't let your child over to her house alone without you. I wouldn't anyway if I didn't know the Parents well at that age.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:22 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • What I would do is to urge the two women who saw this, to report it.
    Of course I would not allow my child to go to their house.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • And since you didn't mention how well you know the moms who were warning you about this, I would actually also put them in my "need to keep an eye on" category. IF they are just being judgmental, gossipy hens who enjoy spreading horrible unsubstantiated rumors, I probably would want to keep my distance from them, too. And if there is something terrible going on in that family or to that little girl, but these women have known about it for a while and have done nothing but whisper and cluck... well, I like to know what kind of people I'm associating with.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 2:20 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I'm with Mom2Dano.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • This is something you should report its better to be sure nothing is happening then later find out it was.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:19 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • I do know who the mother and child are. They're what I would call casual acquaintances. My daughter and I went to a Christmas party at their house; we've met a few times at church. There's no dad in the picture, not sure how long he's been gone or any other details. They were living with the woman's mom, they just moved into a house on their own. No baby at home. Like I said, I only heard, I didn't observe anything. The two people who told me about it didn't meet the woman till that day, so they couldn't have stepped in before and done anything.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:21 PM on Mar. 4, 2013

  • Oh, and the other women who reported to me what they saw are people I know well. But as I said, they hadn't met the woman and her child till that day. Both of them had seen her in church a few times but never noticed anything and never been formally introduced.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:24 PM on Mar. 4, 2013