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Abondonment question? Kind of long

My sis is in the process of moving to NM. She decided to leave her child who is 2 almost 3 behind until she found a place to stay. By the way it is a 36 hour drive to where she is now. This was a week ago. She now can't decide whether to fly in to get her DD or drive the 36 hours. She has said that she will be here by Thursday this week at the latest. If she doesn't show up to pick up my niece on time do I have the right to call DCF and call this abandonment. I love my niece but my sis has had a hard time BEING a PARENT since she was born. I don't have a problem calling DCF but don't know at what point it is abandonment. This is causing a huge upheaval in my life as well as my mom's b/c we are currently sharing custody of her so that each of us can work while we have her. Don't get me wrong we love her but this entire situation is absurd and I can't fathom doing this to my own child. What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by coala at 9:33 PM on Feb. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 28 (37,092 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would at least wait two weeks. Things happen don't give up on her so quick. Anyway why would you call DCF? They probably would just take her and put her in a foster home. You really want that for your niece? Why not just go to court to keep her if that would happen?


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Why would you want to call DCF on your sister? I think that would cause more pain to the child then you keeping the child for an extra week if you have to? Would you rather your sister kept her child in a car while trying to find a place to stay. Think about this hard hun. I really dont think its the right thing to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • OP here: If I called DCF then they would start the process to grant one of us custody. We don't have access to her daycare which is 40 mins away and one vehicle between us that we share can't get her there. They wouldn't put her in foster care, they would just grant us the capability to take care of her in a better manner then we are.

    Answer by coala at 9:39 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • What would make you more capable by them telling you you can keep her?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • Well me personally, I would not call DCF. I wouldn't want to risk not ever being able to see my neice again. Because if DCF does take the baby then she will more than likely be placed in the system and is that something you want your neice to have to go through. Being placed with strangers. Is it possible for yourself or another family member to take care of this little girl? I guess you just need to think about the child, and not yourselves and the hardship or drama it is causing in your life at this particular moment. (this is NOT an attack, just my feelings and opinion on it) It's not the baby's fault, and you can't punish her by her mother's actions. I wish you the best, and I truly hope you and your mother keep that little princess where she belongs..... IN THE FAMILY!!

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 9:41 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I am very sorry, but I really didn't explain the entire situation fully. My sister is an alcholic, and her DD is "annoying" my sis's words not mine. She is 3 and def acts like. My sis only spends 2 hours a day with her DD and then sends her to bed. Every weekend for the last 2 years she has spent with another family b/c she "needed a break". This is a huge concern for me.

    Answer by coala at 9:41 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • do what your gut says. remember oits about the daughter, not your sis. keep her safe.,

    Answer by jbirchard at 9:49 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I don't think you need to call dcf, just need to petition the courts.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • well then in the best interest of the child, please keep her. She needs to know when she gets older that her whole family didnt abandon her. Can you not get her into a daycare that is closer to your home? If you would like custody of her, why dont you ask your sister to sign over her rights and be done with it, you dont always have to go through the courts. If the two of you can come to an agreement on your own, I wouldnt get them involved. Where is the father

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • The people who are telling you not to call protective services because they'll take your neice and put her in a foster home where you'll never see her again are WRONG! The first thing they do is look for family members willing to take the child(ren) in. If you feel you need to call, then do it. You may be able to get kinship care which would provide you with a stipend and you'll definitely need legal placement of the child to be able to take her to the doctor or hospital if she would need it.

    Would your sister like a long break from her child? Ask her if she would agree to let the child stay with you voluntarily. Good luck.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:44 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

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