Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Major Mommy fail. So help me fix it.

I dont remember this problem with any of the other ones. Maybe, because I know he's the last, is the reason why I let it happen.

I nurse him to sleep, both bedtime and nap time. I hold him and cuddle him, etc. At nap time I put him down and sometimes get to talk away for 10 mins. Sometimes I barely make it into the bathroom before he is up again :(

I have done some very creative nursing to slip away at nap time... So creative I could get a job with Cirque Du Soliel. But enough. He is 13 months!

At night I will be doing a modified co-sleeping CIO, but what about nap time. At night I don't mind cuddling with him, but during the day I have to be able to leave the area, KWIM?

 
feralxat

Asked by feralxat at 5:38 PM on Mar. 5, 2013 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 45 (194,978 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Anyway, from that approach (or, in the context of seeing his increasing demandingness as an indication that repressed feelings are driving his rigidity) it would be about staying with him in a caring, supportive way when he wakes 5-10 minutes into the nap, and NOT nursing him back down.
    I wouldn't plan on it "working" (in the sense of resolving everything, with him going to sleep & napping) when you approach it this way; I would plan on him getting frustrated, angry & then desperate, because the point is that feelings (that he has used coping mechanisms & soothing patterns to suppress) are going to come out! So your presence (while withholding the familiar mechanism of nursing) facilitates that emotional release.
    After release, you see differences. Instead of the escalating rigidity, you have a baby who got what he actually needed (but was conditioned to avoid, through nursing or rocking) and is more flexible, free.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:59 PM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Oi. I had the same problem with my first. I nursed her to sleep on a mattress on the floor and slipped away when I had the chance.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 5:41 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • Mine would never fall asleep as long as I was there. I felt like such a bad mom, but the only way it ever worked was to put her down awake and let her soothe herself to sleep. Could you maybe get one of those Ocean Wonders crib soothers with the music and water sounds and the floating fish that your baby could look at while he drifts off?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:46 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • GL w/ that. We are still co-sleeping. So if you find out the trick to tappering that off, let me know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • Thanks OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • My SO has been on the couch for 3 years. I am considering moving the crib to the bedroom and putting her down in there for as long as she will sleep then finish the night in bed.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:16 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • I didn't look at the Dr. Jay Gordon link but I think he advocates a gentle "in-arms" nightweaning.
    I get that it's your plan for nighttime.
    I wonder if this difficulty settling, or with staying down (baby needing you to "help" that happen) just indicates some "stuff" threatening to surface. And he has learned to use nursing to keep his emotional equilibrium/pat down feelings, so he steps up his demand when the feeling load gets more intrusive.
    I think this was the case with my own babies (especially my 1st) but I wasn't able to help, because I was driven to avoid her crying.
    We got through times like this by just getting through, and things always did change eventually, but I suspect I'd have a different way of being with crying if I were getting to do it over again. I hope I'd be better able to be there for them, rather than "needing" to stop the crying.
    Have you ever seen any Aware Parenting ("The Aware Baby" book) articles?
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:36 PM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Stacie. I was thinking about you as I wrote this because I told you I would nurse over the carrier at naptime. But he's gotten worse. He has gotten to the "Don't put me down" point. His sweaty little head has given me a slight rash in the crook of my arm. I can't even do the carrier nursing anymore :(
    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 5:46 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • Ballad, I do have one of those sound machines. DO you know if they work this late in the game?
    I am trying classical music, which is what I used to turn on. He didn't like the TV as background noise which is what he normally hears when he drops off during the day.
    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 5:49 PM on Mar. 5, 2013

  • GL w/ that. We are still co-sleeping. So if you find out the trick to tappering that off, let me know.

    We will start this method this weekend because SO will have to move to the couch. You still co-sleep but stop nursing.
    So that's the problem. I can soothe on demand and cuddle at night but what about during the day?

    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 5:53 PM on Mar. 5, 2013