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2 Bumps

How do I get the father of my children new wife to stay out of our co-parenting meetings?

I try to be considerate of everyone's feelings but I just don't think it is necessary for my ex's new wife to come to our co-parenting meeting. I have tried asking politely if the two of them can arrange something where she doesn't have to physically be there and butt in our conversations about our kids. I only ask that she have some respect for my request as the biological mother, sole physical and legal custodial parent. Please HELP. For I do not want to have to resort to court.

Answer Question
 
mom11247

Asked by mom11247 at 12:54 AM on Mar. 6, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You might have to.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:58 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Honestly, are you sure you don't want her there? She's not the mom, and she may not be someone you care for, but she's the stepmom now. Perhaps she shouldn't butt in, but life may be easier for all concerned if she's on board. She's part of the kids' lives now, and she may be valuable in implementing any decisions you and your ex husband, her new husband, make. She's also affected by those decisions. It may be time to put your personal feelings aside and think of what will be best for the kids.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:06 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Is she impacted by the co-parenting decisions made in these meetings? If so, then she should be a part of them. Put the shoe on the other foot... if you were the stepmom, wouldn't you want input on things YOU are expected to do for your stepchildren?

    Now, if her input is not valuable, just chock full of criticisms and nothing of real use (defined as attention to details of scheduling or finance, for example), then expect you will have to go to court since you've already asked and nothing has changed. But keep in mind, if stepmom isn't making unreasonable interjections in these meetings and you take it to court, the judge will laugh you out of the room.

    DOCUMENT IT ALL.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:30 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Like I said I try to be considerate, very so much so. I understand that she is now part of the kids life for I am a stepmom myself. Its just my gut feeling is telling me the only reason why she wants to be there is because she has insecurity issues. She don't make any reasonable comments/ suggestions that relates to the kids. I tell them that it is not a gathering but a business meeting and so I try to cover every expect of the situation by having everything I want to say typed up prior to the meeting. She just always manage to change things after he and/or I agree so certain guidelines. I keep it strictly about the kids, their dental, their medical, their school, their behavior and mutual disciplinary actions. I don't answer or ask anything beyond that such as money(court ordered) or the transportation I provided for him so that he may see his children. I don't want to be name calling or judging but ithe woman is controlling.
    mom11247

    Comment by mom11247 (original poster) at 1:59 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • As in, you and your ex sitting down and talking about raising your kids? You asked him not to bring her. But he does anyways?
    If it is that way. You are getting mad at the wrong person. Your EX is the problem not her.

    But on the other hand. I think she has the right to partisapate in it. She does take care of your kids when they are at his house, right?
    Don't you want her to know what you two decided.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:54 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • you say that you are a step mom also

    bring your husband along too?

    then all four adults can be on board
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:15 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • How many meetings do you have? I would say you might be doing too many, I would think more than once every couple of months would be overkill, bringing a list and trying to stay "on" topic sounds like you might be the one who is a bit controlling, I would say that if you keep it nice, you just start out by saying, we are going over dental bills, and time pick ups today. I would think that this would require less than 15 minutes of time.
    Now if she is changing something, does she pick up your kids, take them to the doctor? I would say if she has some responsibliity for your kids, she has the right to say, that time can't/won't work for me. She may be insecure, but if you have aske your ex not to bring her, I would do as fiat said and bring your current husband along as well. Why can't this just be done over the phone?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 7:50 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Why do you have to meet face-to-face? Can't this be done by phone?
    KPBMom

    Answer by KPBMom at 8:55 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • I was very frustrated when my ex kept insisting on his GF now wife play a part in the kids day to day lives. The ex and I share a 50/50 arrangement (week on, week off) for our 3 kids. But I was frustrated because he seemed to prefer her caring for our kids over me. I'm the mom! Now, 4 1/2 yrs later, I've tried to get him and her to meet with me and my DH to just keep us on the same page. He refuses.

    So, I guess how much a part of your child's life she is and how long (she and your child have a relationship?) should determine if she should be present. Maybe it would benefit you as the primary parent for her to hear from you rather than him your expectations? But, if she interrupts or is argumentive then I wouldn't allow it either.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 6, 2013

  • Thank you all for your input and suggestive help. This really helps me make a careful decision on how to approach my situation. Louis2, yes, I think she should know about our decisions but I think it is his responsibility to inform her, not me. Fiatpax, bringing my husband along is a good idea but it wont resolve her running mouth. Jerseydiva and KPBmom, we dont do co-parenting over the phone because we already meet in person every other weekend at mcdonalds to drop off and pick up the kids for his weekend with them only because the last time she arrived at my place to pick up the kids she snapped at me about the fact that she didn't like the jackets I gave my kids to wear. not him but her. i think it would have been more appropriate if she has express her concerns to him and he can talk to me about the issue. I am not in any way, trying to be controlling, just cautiously covering my butt in case I have to go to court.
    mom11247

    Comment by mom11247 (original poster) at 3:10 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

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