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5 year age gap. Dad seems indifferent, unattached.

Hi, Im 26 and 14 weeks pregnant ith baby number two (due in augest) my son will be five in April of this year. How is the age gap of 5 years? Also, dad is very laid back and is super manly. Dosnt ever ask about the baby and says I talk to much about it. So hes almost unexcited. No one really to talk to, but is being a parent of a two children home invariably hard? My son dad isn't in the picture, and he loves my husband. Husband gets alone with him but is just not the disciplinarian when needed. He and I are both in school (I'm going for my degree in radiology and him for diesel mechanic) we are like ships in the harbor. I see him on Saturday and that about it. Should I just brace myself for the worst? It just feels like dad is indifferent, unattached, and uninterested. "Super-manly" meaning he dosnt talk about feelings. It's just supposed to be understood. I'm trying to be excited. We decided together to have this baby. But I expected a little to much you know? It's always been just my son and I. Like we balanced eachother. Now there will be two needing me. I'm terrified. I hate hormones!

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Skarletmama

Asked by Skarletmama at 1:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2013 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • A woman becomes a mother when she learns she's pregnant.
    A man doesn't become a father until he sees his child.

    Relax.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:44 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Super manly?? Whats that? Code for laziness? Or a big man with a ego complex?? I am not bashing you hon, its the guy you are with that I like to bash!
    "but is being a parent of a two children home invariably hard?"
    Yes it is for a single mom! But you have a husband (?) there that is supposed to be there for you, and help with the discipline. So ya I would brace your self for the worse. You have to speak up about this at some point.
    But as the age gap being 5 yrs isn't to bad. Do you know if its a boy or girl?
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:45 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Don't know yet, legs were closed last sonogram.
    It just feels like dad is indifferent, unattached, and uninterested.
    "Super-manly" meaning he dosnt talk about feelings. It's just supposed to be understood. I'm trying to be excited. We decided together to have this baby. But I expected a little to much you know? It's always been just my son and I. Like we balanced eachother. Now there will be two needing me. I'm terrified. I hate hormones!
    Skarletmama

    Comment by Skarletmama (original poster) at 1:58 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • I posted that last one in the question so I could better explain to new answerers.
    Skarletmama

    Comment by Skarletmama (original poster) at 2:03 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Ahhh I see, thank you
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:41 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Have you talked to your DH about how you feel and your concerns? If this is his first child he may be struggling with fear and many men just don't have the bond that mothers have and take a while to warm up to the baby once it is here. He may not want to step on your toes in regards to disciplining your son and if you want him to help with discipline you need to tell him that it is okay that he disciplines your baby. Actually having a 5 year age gap means that your will avoid a lot of tantrums and clinging because your son is more independent and if you include him in helping with the baby he will feel like he is still getting your attention. He can do things like get diapers, help pick out outfits, get bottles, and when the baby is older he can help entertain the baby.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 5:36 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • My DD's are 51/2 years apart. You should have not problems dealing with the age gap. Sence you son is old enough to take care of himself most of the time. You did know your DH was like this before you married him right?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:50 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • The newborn stage is easy. Wait til they grow up and start fighting. Lol.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • My middle and youngest are 5.5 years apart and different genders. They are super close. Youngest and oldest are just under 7 years apart. They aren't as close, but DS1 kinds of resents the younger male. And DS2 is annoyed that DS1 is the oldest. It's funny. All of the kids get along relatively well, they do fight but that's natural for all siblings. What I liked best about the age gap with the youngest was that he got tons of attention like an only while the other 2 were at school, and then had the benefits of having siblings evenings, weekends and breaks.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 8:53 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • My daughter was 4 when our twins were born. I liked the age gap & love it very much now (she turns 9 today and they are 4 1/2). And I think a 5 year gap could be great.
    My 3 spend a lot of time together, though they obviously are at different developmental levels. There's just a lot of joy in the family, and among the kids. Joy in each other, delight, celebration. Lots of appreciation from my oldest for what the younger ones are doing/learning. Delight in the funny things they say, and in the sound of their voices. (One of her brothers couldn't remember "umbrella" & called it a "sunbonnet," the other day. She just thought it was soooo precious & delightful.) Sometimes it feels like talking to my partner, because she has a true reaction of pure love & amazement for them!
    There is conflict too, but they've developed good skills for resolving conflicts & it is not "negative," just conflict.
    I think it's mostly how you raise them.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:17 AM on Mar. 7, 2013

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