Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do step-moms think they have authority over the bio-logical mom?

I have a 5 year old little girl and the stepmother belittles the bio mom in front of the child. She holds a grudge and does things to the child that is wrong just to get back at the bio mom. The father will not stand against her on what is right. I have had it in court and I feel like I am banging my head against a wall. Please give me imput on anything that may help?

Answer Question

Asked by butterfly390 at 10:37 PM on Feb. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • There really isn't anything that you can do in this type of a situation except to maybe sit down and talk to the step mom and father to find out what the root of the problem is and try and fix it. No child should ever hear ill of any parent no matter how terrible that parent is.

    Answer by coala at 10:39 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I had this problem, too, at first. The step mother would schedule meetings with my daughter's teacher, and the teacher would meet with her instead of me because she was a member of the church.

    I think it is more about being territorial than anything. I did just ask her to stop, and since I have primary custody with no court rulings, eventually she did. It was either that, or we would have gone to court. He has never paid me child support in 8 years, and has proven time and again, he is irresponsible. I would have won hands down. We are all very civil now.

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:47 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I am the step mom,and I do overstep my boundaries occassionally. However the bio, spent several years putting her son on the backburner. Partying was more important to her. Im the one who took him to school daily, helped with his homework, went to every soccer game & practice, & did every other motherly thing possible. She'd call and say she was on her way& not show for days. recently shes decided to be "supermom". Its hard to take care of all those responsiblities everyday for 3 yrs and then one day hear Thanks for doing my job for me. Im gonna give it a shot, I might be good at it. But assuming you are not like the bio Im talking about, I think you should calmly discuss it with her. If that doesnt work I wouldnt let my daughter be around her & Id fight for full custody. No matter how mad my stepsons mom made me, i NEVER put her down around him. If someone was saying bad things about me to my daughter I might kick some ass!

    Answer by sylvia10907 at 11:22 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I agree with Sylvia, I also am a step-mom and although I know that bio-mom talks trash about me all the time, I have and would never talk trash about their mom in front of or to them. That is petty and very selfish of the step-mom.

    Answer by Ilovemy5joys at 2:36 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I have had issues with my ss bio mom, she used to try and lie in court to make me look bad, whenever it was our weekend she would call the police and CPS saying that we kidnapped the child and she used to tell her son not to eat anything I cooked because I was trying to poison him. In the beginning I tried to get along with her but after a while I gave up but I never talked crap about her in front of her son, I don't believe in doing that.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:37 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • i am also a stepmom and the bio-mom is pretty much worthless in my opinion but I would NEVER say that to my stepsons. She married a guy that had beat her kids, to me that is worthless, let someone touch my kid. She has told them that my daughter and I aren't family even though they share a father. They are much older now and do see how their mother is, and know that I have always been there for them. It is hard being a stepmom but you can't ever replace their mother no matter what really. Just stand your ground with her and tell her that you don't appreciate what she says or does. Just don't sink to her level, the kids will realize who the better person is eventually. Good luck

    Answer by melissap463 at 5:53 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.