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2 Bumps

Fiances teen scares me what do I do as a stepmom

My fiance has three kids one is 13. He scares me and ive tried talking to my fiance about it but hes very passive about disipline. He uses every curse word there is, hes very rebellious, abusive towards his younger siblings, treats my fiance like crap, spends all his time on xbox, will not clean up his own messes or do anything for himself, she makes comments all the time about stabbing us and thinks it would be fun to kill, he thinks rape is funny and calls women even his mom and young sister bitches, i have a 4 month old daughter that im scared to be around him, ive tried to help but his mom thinks theres nothing wrong and his dad is too passive, the son has adhd too, im scared to sleep at night and to be alone with him. so nobody is accepting my help or wants help and im terrified.

Answer Question
 
immortalsoul04

Asked by immortalsoul04 at 6:33 PM on Mar. 7, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't even think about marying the man till he does something about his son. Personally, I wouldn't marry a man who let his son call women, especially his mom and sistrs, bitches.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:08 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • I would seriously reconsider marrying him & your relationship. You need to protect your children above anything else & obviously your fiance isn't going to do anything in regards to his son's behavior.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 6:40 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • I wouldn't marry him. Sorry, but if you're scared of his kid, that's going to be a miserable life. And he's clearly not going to do anything to change things, so you'd be stuck with that miserable life.

    You also need to think hard about the safety of your infant. With the things you describe, I believe it's a very real possibility he could hurt your baby. Is that a chance you're willing to do take?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:12 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • I'd start giving your fiance ultimatums until he does something about this.. he needs to address this problem before his son does something that can really hurt people.
    anestheticsex

    Answer by anestheticsex at 6:40 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • My son has a stepbrother who is exactly the same.
    He's 19 now and still behaves the same. He's been to juvy and long term facilities and he just doesn't care. Next time he screws up it's jail, and I know I for one will feel safer with him there.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • That's not a nice situation to be in. I think you need to let your DH know how serious a problem this is for you both. If he is unwilling to make you and your dd safe and happy then YOU have to make changes that involve not being there when SS is there.

    You ultimately have a responsibility to yourself and your dd. Hopefully, DH will be on board. If not it would certainly be a deal breaker for me.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 6:44 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Did you know about this before you got with this guy and got pregnant with his baby? Time to rethink the relationship.
    If I can't deal with his kids, I am not going to be with him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:50 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • Wait until he's 18 or out of the house to get married. As stepmom your hands are tied,.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:06 PM on Mar. 7, 2013

  • I will be completely brutally honest here and have some experience being newly married with a step kid and all. If you and the father can not come to some agreement on how to discipline children it will NOT work for the sake of your children. Goes back to if one parent wont let me the other will type of deal. Id his dad and mother both dont see anything wrong with the problem then they are blind or have hit the point of giving up. Now if i where faced with a kid doing what he is doing I would have him taken in and tested for bi polar to out rule that. Often children who are diagnosed early on as ADD or ADHD come to find out later are actually bi polar or they often become bi polar. I've actually done research looking in to this because my daughter has issues and alot of people on my dad's side of the family has bi polar disorder. The kid NEEDS tough love and someone to step up to him.
    nissadawn

    Answer by nissadawn at 3:07 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

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