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Feel like a rat in a trap

my daughter and my two grandsons live with me. she was a teen mom with the first. she went to school and worked. she finished high school got two schalarships. with the second she was in community college. she was out of work 1 1/2 years. finally got a job and i watch the kids. shes 22 the dads are out of the picture one is in the army and hasn't seen his son in 8 months. the other one will be on the road working until june.
had a chance to take a trip with some friends and she laid a guilt trip on me about im the only one she has to watch the kids. i have already bought the tickets the person im going with bought hers two and paid for two hotels while we were gone we were suppose to leave in two weeks. i feel caught in the middle. the tickets to the concert are non refundable. don't know what to do.

Answer Question
 
carolina54

Asked by carolina54 at 2:20 AM on Mar. 8, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 7 (179 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I think you can still go as planned, but just communicate about it. Rather than getting mad in return & essentially saying "Tough, this is not wrong, it's not my problem if you're upset or inconvenienced," just acknowledge what is going on.

    She relies on you to take care of her boys while she works. This is an established situation.

    Maybe you didn't communicate with her before taking steps to purchase tickets & make plans. (Maybe you did.) Just acknowledge how your going out of town does impact her, and that (if appropriate/relevant) you wish you had handled it differently, such as letting her know what you were considering, or giving her more notice about it. (Were you afraid she'd object & so you just bought the tickets? Maybe you avoided talking about it to avoid having "an issue"?)

    If you can, engage in some problem-solving with her. Ask her "What about...?" or come up with a suggestion if you can. How long is the trip?
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:13 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Go on your trip.. I know from experience the kids depend on us to much.. She should have gotten someone to fill in while your gone. She is an adult and you weren't the one that made her have sex and get pregnant. If you are like me you need a break sometimes.
    nanna1967

    Answer by nanna1967 at 2:52 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • the other set of grand parents one grandma lives back east and the other is in colorado helping her sons wife out with the baby they just had and a 18 month old. the grandfathers one works and the my husband is deceased. were looking at care.com and sitter city. its hard to let strangers babysit your kids (grandkids). one of her friends told her she won't know until the 18th and the other said the 15th. i would leave the 20th. she recently had dental surgery pulled two back teeth. had to miss a week of work. she just started back.
    she does help around the house with groceries . i know i'm enabling her but i worry about my grandsons. she just started this job 4 months ago and there are only three cashiers. by the way shes only 22
    carolina54

    Comment by carolina54 (original poster) at 10:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • GO, sounds like you really need it.
    dmr73059

    Answer by dmr73059 at 10:56 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

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