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Feel like a rat in a trap

my daughter and my two grandsons live with me. she was a teen mom with the first. she went to school and worked. she finished high school got two schalarships. with the second she was in community college. she was out of work 1 1/2 years. finally got a job and i watch the kids. shes 22 the dads are out of the picture one is in the army and hasn't seen his son in 8 months. the other one will be on the road working until june.
had a chance to take a trip with some friends and she laid a guilt trip on me about im the only one she has to watch the kids. i have already bought the tickets the person im going with bought hers two and paid for two hotels while we were gone we were suppose to leave in two weeks. i feel caught in the middle. the tickets to the concert are non refundable. don't know what to do.

Answer Question
 
carolina54

Asked by carolina54 at 2:20 AM on Mar. 8, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 7 (179 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Go! Your daughter will have to figure it out. She's the mama.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:23 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Your daughter seems to have forgotten that the person responsible for the children are their mother, to wit, her. Ignore the guilt trip. You are not on call for her 24/7 and it's time she realized that you have a life of your own. Why should you feel guilty about having some fun? Don't you think you deserve it? (I certainly do.) You are not caught in the middle. Your daughter has two whole weeks to figure out what she's going to do. Doesn't she have any vacation time coming up? Why can't she use it to spend some fun time with her little ones? Doesn't she have any friends she could trade off babysitting time with?

    I'm hoping that when you said the fathers were not in the picture that you didn't mean that they don't pay CS. If they don't, then it's time she went after them for it because they are also responsible for ensuring child care ... and that means paying for daycare or babysitters.

    Enjoy your trip!
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 2:38 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • I agree with Ballad! Your daughter needs to take on the responsibility of taking care of her kids!
    What would she do if, God forbid, if you were sick or in an accident? Time for her to be responsible for a change!
    So jump off the guilt train, go on your trip and have a damn good time!
    You earned it and you deserve it! Believe me, they'll still be there and be fine when you get home.
    Who knows, maybe this will be a learning experience for her and she'll realize how fortunate she is'
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 2:29 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Just cause she lives with you does not make you a built in babysitter! You are not her employee. You are doing her a huge favor!
    Let her research the cost of rent, utilities and daycare, and then tell her if she thinks she can do better on her own she can leave anytime!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:51 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Go on your trip. This would not be fair to your friend to cancel on her now.
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:38 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Go! This is a good lesson for your DD. These are her kids and you've made it too easy for her. This would be terribly unfair to your friend also. I wouldn't feel guilty at all, where are the boys families? 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:52 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Look, I appreciate my mom watching my kids when I need it, and I do count on her at times to do so. But I always ask her, and I realize she has her own life beyond being my mom and my kids grandma.

    Go on your trip. Your daughter should have figured out a back up plan for childcare already anyway, in case you were to be working, sick, injured, or who knows what when she needs someone to watch the kids. It's her problem to deal with, not yours. Don't feel guilty for having your own life.

    If you really feel obligated to do something for her, you could pay for any extra money she has to spend on childcare while you're gone - but I wouldn't even do that.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:22 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • I would tell her she had better start looking, it might be nice to remind her she made the choice to have unprotected sex, and you have been taking care of them and her for quite a long while, I would ask around to everyone I know, there are centers who will watch children on short term basis, go on your trip and enjoy yourself!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 8:28 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • PS-Could the other sets of grandparents help her out?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 8:28 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • I agree with all of the PP and would add, you should let her know that by guilting you she is setting you up for some serious resentment. Guilt is something that two people participate in. If you continue with your plans you are not buying into it and she has an opportunity to support YOU for a change!
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 8:45 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

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