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3 Bumps

how do i stop the fighting

My husband and i have been married for 6 years. We really don't fight over anything except sex. Before we got married and had two kids i had a normal sex drive but ever since we got married and had kids my libido has taken a nose dive. I am not interested in the same things that i was in the bedroom either. I don't know what to do because i worry that these fights are gonna causee my marriage to eventually fail and i don't want that at all. He's decided he's not even gonna try to initiate anymore and i don't know if that will work. I'm just exhausted when i get into bed at night. I have two children, a house to take care of, and a full time job by the time i go to bed i am ready for sleep not sex but he doesn't see it that way. He gets so upset and i realize i am hurting him but i just don't know what to do. I need advice.

Answer Question

Asked by samdoggett at 10:31 AM on Mar. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Have you told him that if he did his share with the home stuff,you'd have the energy for some lovin'?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:33 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Can you get a babysitter and have a couples weekend?

    Answer by HHx5 at 10:33 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Can you slip away for 10 minutes for a quickie?
    Shower together?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:36 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Have you talked to the dr about your lack of desire? It could be just lack of sleep, but it could be something hormonal.

    Answer by missanc at 10:39 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Marriage counseling. If discussion turns into fighting and becomes pointless then I would recommend a neutral third party to help you start to communicate effectively again. This isn't that abnormal to have problems when you have young kids. All of the attention goes to them and you are left with nothing or very little to give your partner. You need to start treating your marriage like it is one of your children and nurture it. If you don't want to do therapy, then maybe some self help books. The Five Love Languages is a good place to start so that you can both acknowledge what each of you feel is lacking and what you need from your partner.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:40 AM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • I think Quinn really has a good response.

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:12 PM on Mar. 8, 2013

  • Quinn nailed it. And butterflyblue has a good point. Is hubby carrying his share of the load? If not, then you have one of three ways to go:

    1. He starts sharing the chores to give you more time for sex.

    2. You leave the chores undone to give yourself more time for sex.

    3. Change nothing and you have more time for sex.

    Discuss these options with him and a neutral third party.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:19 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • He needs to pull his weight at home. Sex is much lower in the pyramid of human needs than rest is. It's normal to lose your sex drive when you're exhausted. Tell him that doing more around the house is what will get him more sex, not sulking about it.

    Answer by winterglow at 5:32 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • Does he help with the kids and help around the house? If not. Tell him this. " Start helping me with the kids and the house work and I will want sex more." You wont be so tired.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:10 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • Communication is the key here love, you need to sit down with the man and tell him what is going on with you and come up with a happens to most are not the only one!

    Answer by older at 7:01 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

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