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Really in need of advice...

I have 2 sons with my husband. Married August 2007. We got together young. My first son is 8 and second son is 5. My husband also has a 7 years old daughter to another woman. Its really difficult for me to deal with and hurts a lot still to this day. The daughter would never know this. I dont not treat her any different but the whole situation hurts a lot. I thought time would heal these wounds but they just havent and my dh doesnt understand the pain. I just dont know what to do about it. I just cant let the feelings go. I absolutely hate this woman because she is so trifling. She wouldnt even let the little girl be in our wedding. I need some words of encouragment or someone who has been here. How do I get over this? It happened 7 years ago. I love my husband but this betrayal and my feelings just make me hate him at the moment.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Feb. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I've never been through this, but your feelings of betrayal seem totally reasonable and justified. You need to let it go though if you plan to stay with your husband. When you start thinking about it, turn on a song you love and sing along, go for a walk, do something to take your mind off of it. You can't live like this!

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 12:04 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • im just beginning to feel like its something i will never get over. its not something i deal with day to day but there are those times when it really hits me. I mean the people I work with dont even know about this. Its embarrassing to me that there is a child in between my children. It doesnt take a genius to figure it out. A lot has changed in those 7 years. My dh is a completely different man but it just hurts bad sometimes. I think he was 19 at the time and this so called woman is about 5 years older than him. I dont know. Just here tonight looking for some encouragment because today I'm wondering if I will ever be able to deal with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Talk to your husband about it. Getting it off your chest and out in the open might help you heal. And if you can't talk to him about it, you should talk to someone else, maybe a therapist. You have to get past this and forgive if you want to be happy.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 12:20 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Please, stop trying to deal with it on your own and get some help. There is NO SHAME in therapy!

    And YOU have no reason to be embarrassed about the little girl...unless you are thinking you were wrong to take him back. Even cause for embarrassment. WHO CARES what people think?

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:33 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Well, the fact that he chose you and married you has to make you feel pretty good. This other woman didn't get him, but she did make a baby with him (probably in hopes to get him) You are going to waste a lot of energy worrying about something that you can't change. And think, you have a little girl, that you wouldn't have had and girls are great. Try to count your blessings, and be happy with what you are blessed with. Do you trust your husband? If you do, try to move on and don't let this other woman bother you. She obviousy has a control issue and is pissed that she doesn't have it. You sound like such a loving person - emphasize that. Good luck

    Answer by pattigioeli at 10:40 AM on Feb. 18, 2009

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